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montysano

I am master of my domain.

....and those tiny fists of fury!

That was one magic loogie.

That's van's a-rockin'.....Don't go a-knockin'!

Frank: I find tinsel to be distracting

And of course:

There had been significant shrinkage.

Elaine, do women know about shrinkage?

And the best of all, Elaine's response to the above:

I don't know how you guys walk around with those things

I could keep going all day.

Kevin Wolf

As a merely casual Seinfeld watcher I'm not qualified to answer this question.

blue girl

Me too!

I feel somewhat disloyal to my other Seinfeld lines by only calling out so few of them above...

It's a mint. A Junior Mint!

*I'm* Keith Hernandez.

Cashmere, Georgie. Cashmere.

Up here, I'm already gone.

Remember when the old lady was at the bottom of the steps when Kramer was out in LA?

Dramatically, she reached one hand up and out to Kramer and said...

Kramer...Kramer...Kramer!

Jerry in first class on the plane: More of everything!


blue girl

He was running from a bee.

I'm so glad I'm able to indulge my obsessive compulsive disorder today.

:)

Neddie Jingo

I'd hate to restrict it to just one, but the one that got me laughing for the first time at Seinfeld was,

You gotta see the *baby*!

Neddie Jingo

But then I found this, in that Library ep you linked to:

BOOKMAN: Well, let me tell you something, funny boy. Y'know that little stamp, the one that says "New York Public Library"? Well that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before: Flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Well, let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't HE deserve better? Look. If you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped! Or: maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld; maybe that's how y'get your kicks. You and your good-time buddies. Well I got a flash for ya, joy-boy: Party time is over. Y'got seven days, Seinfeld. That is one week!

blue girl

She looks like Lyndon Johnson!

blue girl

Jeddie: That monologue is my absolute favorite.

And Jerry's reactions...rolling his eyes, trying not to laugh is just as funny.

Bookman rules!

The Viscount

Funny - I was over here and was going to leave this comment regardless of the content of the post and let your normal readers wonder what the hell I was going on about...

Don't chuck, never have chucked, never will chuck. No chuck!

"Ya chuck."

Not sure that one was my favorite but it would be on the list.

I like the obscure reference lines - I can't remember which episode it was, but Jerry says:

"That's a tell. You got a tell."

That is a reference to the fantastic off-the-beaten-track film, "House of Games" with Lindsay Krouse and Joe Mantegna. Highly recommended.

Also, I can't remember the exact line, but there was the one where Newman and Kramer had the bottle deposit scheme, and Newman ended up at the farmhouse? As he was running away, the the farmer's daughter said something like, "I love you Norman!

How about when George is at the hand-modeling gig, and the guys says to him, "He wasn't master of his domain," and George says, "I won a contest."

What a great show....

Larry Jones

1. The sea was angry that night my friend.

2. No soup for you!!

3. You know, if someone had told me years ago that I'd be working on a project that might save the world, I'd have laughed at them. Now, help me push this big ball filled with oil out the window.

4. The "Bro." (Brassieres for men.)

This reminds me of the joke about the new guy in the prison yard who observes other prisoners talking, just calling out numbers ("17! 152!) and laughing uproariously. Turns out in the closed prison environment they've all heard each others' jokes so many times they've given them numbers to save time. Then one guy says "59!" and nobody laughs.

Because, well, some people just don't know how to tell a joke.

The Viscount

I thought about Ned's choice but was too lazy to go dig up the script. That bit is great.

Two more:

Newman was talking to Jerry and he referred to Jerry's jokes as inane observations."

When the boss at the publishing company confronted George about having sex with cleaning woman, George said, "Was that wrong?

The Viscount

Wait wait - I forgot - when Jerry's gf tells him he can't talk in the funny voice of the stomach, and he runs to her apartment, and when she opens the door, he says: "Helooooooooo!"

blue girl

Al, "That's a tell. You got a tell."

How 'bout its opposite:

It's in the vault.

Also, I loved "House of Games."

LJ: ...Now, help me push this big ball filled with oil out the window.

:)

This isn't a line, but remember the one where Elaine had her photo taken for her Christmas card and *something* was showing and she didn't realize it before she sent the cards out?

Remember when she grabbed George's head shoved it against her chest and messed his hair all up?

That was classic.

Same episode where Jerry, Kramer and George all lifted up their shirts:

We've all got 'em!

Makesa me laaaauuuuugh!

blue girl

Oh my God, I just remembered the episode with the astronaut pen that wrote upside down.

Remember that one? That episode should've been referenced in my post. It's awesome.

So many from that one. Remember when Elaine was all doped up on pain killers at the end and was all wobbly and yelled "Stella!!!!!!!!!!"

Ok. I'm crying now.

The Viscount

Last one, I promise...

"It's a little chicken."

"Merlot? Is that a new kind of wine? I never heard of it.

blue girl

You can keep droppin' in here for the next two days for all I care, Al! They make me laugh.

Even though this is going to make me sound disloyal to the other Seinfeld side characters, I have to say that "Putty" was my favorite.

Remember when he had his face painted for some game -- and he said "High Five."

Wait. Or was that when Jerry was in buying a car. I think *that* was it...

:)

Remember when Elaine came running into Jerry's apartment with the Jesus fish?!

Classic.

Remember when Putty said to Elaine:

You're going to hell.

The Viscount

"Giddy up."

blue girl

Remember when Kramer made his girlfriend that coffee table out of a windshield? :) :)

Jerry goes: How are you going to know it's there? Are you just going to *sense* it?

:)

Elaine: You think *I* can't put asses in the seats?

:)

Bring the shoes.

Can you spare a square?

blue girl

Al, help me out here. There was a *great* episode, but I can't think of which one it was.

Jerry and Elaine wanted to fix up George with Elaine's friend and they had both scenes going kind of at once -- Jerry and George talking and George says something like...does she have good hair? Hair's very important to me. Good skin? I like a good cheek.

And then Elaine says something like...Do you know what women go through, Jerry? They pluck their eyebrows out of their heads one by one. Until their bald, Jerry. Bald about the eyes.

Oh my God, I'm laughing.

Which episode was that...do you remember?

The Viscount

There was always 2 or 3 stories going on at once - like you I do remember that bit, but not the rest of the episode...

blue girl

Dang!

Larry Jones

Viscount - The big rubber ball filled with oil happens in the same episode as the one in which Jerry talks in the voice of his (soon-to-be-ex-) girlfriend's stomach. She is arriving to see if Jerry will apologize and promise to stop, and instead she gets hit with Kramer's big ball of oil, a test of his project to put rubber liners in oil tankers. This is also the episode in which Kramer has an "intern." I have not quoted the line with precision, but I remember I almost fell down laughing when I first heard it.

blue girl

Larry, which episode was the one I wrote about above. Do you remember?

Coopster

One word - PIGMAN!

Matt

Blue Girl -- it's The Fix Up -- a great one, one of my favorites:

George: What about the skin? I need a good cheek, I like a good cheek.

Jerry: She's got a fine cheek.

George: Is there a pinkish hue?

Jerry: A pinkish hue?

George: Yes, a rosy glow.

Jerry: There's a hue. She's got great eyebrows, women kill to have her
eyebrows.

a pinkish hue: classic.

But the first episode I thought of was The Marine Biologist, which Larry Jones mentioned above.

Matt

more from The Marine biologist:

George: I got about fifty-feet out and then suddenly the great beast

appeared before me. I tell ya he was ten stories high if he was a

foot. As if sensing my presence he gave out a big bellow. I said,

"Easy big fella!" And then as I watched him struggling I realized

something was obstructing his breathing. From where I was standing

I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!

Jerry: Mammal.

George: Whatever.

blue girl

a pinkish hue: classic.

Absolutely!

Jerry: Mammal.

George: Whatever.

LOL!

rnicklewis

One of my favorite scenes:

KRAMER: Oh no, no,. no. I had to fish around in the evidence room for it. You know, they're all preoccupied, trying to hunt down this new psycho-serial killer, the Lopper. All right, I'll see ya.

ELAINE: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Who is the Lopper?

KRAMER: Oh, it's no big deal. It's just some guy who's been running around Riverside park-pffff. You know, cutting people's heads off.

JERRY: How come I haven't read about this?

KRAMER: Well, you know, the police, they've been having some internal dissension about the name.

ELAINE: Really? What're the other titles?

KRAMER: Uh, Headso...uh...The Denogginizer...Son of dad.

JERRY: Son of dad?

KRAMER: Yeah. That was my suggestion. It's sort of a catchall.

Lance  Mannion

"There must have been a second spitter."

rnicklewis

I wish there were pigmen. You get a few of these pigmen walking around I'm looking a whole lot better. Then if somebody wants to fix me up at least they could say, "Hey he's no pig-man!"

glenda

Man hands!

Lance  Mannion

"I'm sorry, Kramer, we're going to have to let you go."

"But I don't even work here."

"I know. That's what makes this so hard."

Lance  Mannion

"Oh Jerry!"

"Oh...you..."

Followed by:

"Mulva?"

Lance  Mannion

"I'm not ashamed of my body."

"You should be."

Lance  Mannion

"You're Batman!"

"That's right. I am Batman!"

Name the episode, BG.

Lance  Mannion

"Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint - it's delicious!"

Lance  Mannion

Ok, I'm about ready to stop. My all time favorite:

"Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down two-thousand dollars to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating; that's a fantasy camp."

Lance  Mannion

I'm sorry. I lied. My real all time favorite? What else could it be?

"They're real, and they're spectacular."

blue girl

Mannion, you might have stumped me here.

I'll take a shot.

Bizarro Jerry?

New one. When George is going to LA with Jerry...

Why can't I just live? Why can't I just be?

Lance  Mannion

No, not Bizaro Jerry.

Think toes.

California trip:

"That's one tuck. One no tuck."

blue girl

Think toes. Think toes.

Toes? Ok. Let me keep thinking.

From the one tuck, one no tuck episode...

George is going on and on...something like...I'm a man of the people. I admire the working man. If I was a wealthy boss, I'd pay my employees a ton of money, etc, etc, etc.

Jerry: Did you tip the waiter?

George: No, I forgot.

:)

Michael Bains

I don't know about favorite episodes, but a couple favorite lines are;

I don't wanna be a pirate!

(Jerry shoulda turned that low talker down and told her to speak up next time! lol Served him right.)

and

It's shrinkage! Haven't you ever heard of shrinkage?!?!

Oh and Calvin Klein saying 'bout Kramer in his skivvies:

His buttocks are sublime!

Definitely the best Non-animated sit-com ever. !!1!

Michael Bains

Oh yah!

The Soup Nazi owns a Subway Franchise in Westlake!

No lie! It's on Detroit Rd, just west o' Columbia and dude is the Spitting Image!

And he knows it! Even has a sign sayin' "No Soup for You!"

Michael Bains

Oh Oh OH...

When the Post Master General has Kramer "brought in" and gives him a little talkin' to!

I just Lance's "Mulva? LOL! Drove me crazy too.

How hard was it to guess Dolores??? {-;

Matt

from The Opposite

George : It's not working, Jerry. It's just not working.

Jerry : What is it that isn't working?

George : Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but ... I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every of life, be it something to wear, something to eat ... It's all been wrong.

( A waitress comes up to G )

Waitress : Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.

George : Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute, I always have tuna on toast. Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted ... and a cup of tea.

Elaine : Well, there's no telling what can happen from this.

Jerry : You know chicken salad is not the opposite of tuna, salmon is the opposite of tuna, 'cos salmon swim against the current, and the tuna swim with it.

George : Good for the tuna.

blue girl

Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast.

Well, there's no telling what can happen from this.

:)

MB, I swear to God I met the guy the Soup Nazi was based on in New York City several years ago. Swear. I'll have to write a post about it.

Michael Bains

Do it BG! But I'm tellin' ya he's in Westlake now. If you get a hankerin' for Tuna Sandwhich whilst goin' up to Great Northern sometime, stop by. You'll se.

{-;

blue girl

micklewis,

The Denogginizer

:)

There's a line I love from that episode. I've got to go find it.

MB, I will scope out the Westlake Soup Nazi!

blue girl

Kramer: Oh, uh, Helena, how are you?

Helena: I haven't worked since 1934, how do you think I am?

Kramer: Well, that's only uh, 58 years.

Helena: It was a Three Stooges short, "Sappy Pappy." I played Mr. Sugarman's secretary, remember?

Kramer: Yeah, right, right, yeah, yeah, that was a Shemp, right?

Helena: No, a Curly. The boys played three sailors who find a baby, the baby's been kidnapped and the police think that they did it.

Kramer: Uh huh, right.

Helena: But, but of course they didn't do it, the police had made an awful mistake.

Kramer: Right.

Helena: Moe hits Curly with an axe,

Kramer: Uh huh.

Helena: The Stooges catch the kidnappers,

Kramer: Right.

Helena: But it's too late.

Kramer: Really.

Helena: The baby's dead.

Kramer: Really?

Helena: The boys are sent to Death Row and are executed.

Kramer: Well I don't remember that part.

Helena: I play Mr. Sugarman's secretary.

Kramer: Oh, yeah, yeah, you were, you were very good.

Helena: Yeah, it was sad for a Three Stooges, what with the dead baby and the Stooges being executed and all.

Kramer: Well, that was an unusual choice for the stooges.

Helena: Would you like to buy me a fat-free frozen yogurt at the store, Kramer?

Kramer: Uh, well, uh, you know I can't right now, you know, uh, I got a very big meeting, I got these people interested in my movie treatment. So, uh, I guess we'll have to make it another time, alright?

Helene: Well No! No, don't go out there, Kramer, they'll hurt you, they'll destroy you. You'll never make it in this town, you're too sensitive like me,

Kramer: Helena, you're wrong, you know I'm not that sensitive at all.

Helena: I was engaged to Mickey Rooney! He left me at the altar. Kramer!
Kramer!

***

Well, that was an unusual choice for the stooges.

LOL!

blue girl

A murder scene. There's a body under a blanket and two Lieutenants are talking.

Lt. Coleman: What do you figure, 20? 21?

Lt. Martel: Close enough.

Lt. Coleman: Forensics ought to be able to nail it down.

Lt. Martel: No ID?

Lt. Coleman: No ID.

Lt. Martel: No witnesses?

Lt. Coleman: Just the trees, Johnny. Pretty young thing.

Lt. Martel: She was. Not any more. Somebody saw to that.

Lt. Coleman: Sure did, Johnny. Damn shame too. What do you make of it?

Lt. Martel: I don't know, but I don't like it.

***

Just the trees, Johnny.

That guy said that line perfectly.

Adorable Girlfriend

How the heck did you get so many comments on this post and more importantly, where have I been during all of this?!

Michael Bains

Well, that was an unusual choice for the stooges.

LOL!

ExACTly! :)))

AG! How come all my comments are disappearing at teh Republic??? If'n I'm banished, I need to know why!

:(((

blue girl

MB,

:)

:)

That's one of my favorite scenes. And favorite lines.

:)

Kramer!!!!!

Michael Bains

BG! George is drinkin' bark tea under a pyramid and Elaine is having her tongue explained to her as we breathe!

Ok, now to read your latest post.

Pinko Punko

Jerry, it's me, George.

I got nothing to say.

roxtar

The dingoes ate your baby!

roxtar

Jerry: I think he just converted for the jokes!

Priest: And this offends you as a jewish person?

Jerry: No, it offends me as a comedian!

Elaine Benes

A classic Seinfeld one-liner
Elaine: Maybe the dingo ate your baby!

More details to the famous line at http://www.stanthecaddy.com/maybe-the-dingo-ate-your-baby-discuss.html. . . based on a real story, Meryl Streep, etc.

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