I had this really great, deep post going. Answering all of life's larger questions and stuff like that. It was profound. But, when I was googling I came across the following. And because answers to life's big questions can wait, I want to post this now. It's one of my favorite scenes.
I don't care what anyone says ... it beats a YouTube post any day. Plus I don't know how to post a YouTube thingamajig. Hee-hee.
Annie, looking slightly distraught, goes to open the door to Alvy's knock.
What's- It's me, open up.
(Opening the door)
Are you okay? What's the matter?
(They look at each other, Annie sighing)
Are you all right? What-
There's a spider in the bathroom.
There's a big black spider in the bathroom.
That's what you got me here for at three o'clock
in the morning, 'cause there's a
spider in the bathroom?
My God, I mean, you know how I am
-I can't sleep with a live thing crawling
around in the bathroom.
Kill it! For Go- What's wrong with you?
Don't you have a can of Raid in the house?
(Shaking her head)
Alvy, disgusted, starts waving his hands and
starts to move into the living room.
I told you a thousand times you should always
keep, uh, a lotta insect spray.
You never know who's gonna crawl over.
I know, I know, and a first-aid kit and a
Jesus. All right, gimme a magazine. I-
'cause I'm a little tired.
(While Annie goes of to find him a magazine,
Alvy, still talking, glances around the
apartment. He notices a small book on a
cabinet and picks it up.)
You know, you, you joke with-about me, you
make fun of me, but I'm prepared for
anything. An emergency, a tidal wave, an
earthquake. Hey, what is this? What?
Did you go to a rock concert?
Oh, yeah, really? Really? How-how'd you
like it? Was it-was it, I mean, did it ...
was it heavy? Did it achieve total
heavy-ocity? Or was it, uh...
It was just great!
(Thumbing through the book)
Oh, humdinger. When- Well, I got a
wonderful idea. Why don'tcha get the guy
who took you to the rock concert, we'll call
him and he can come over and kill the spider.
You know, it's a-
He tosses the book down on the cabinet.
I called you; you wanna help me ...
or not? H'h? Here.
She hands him a magazine.
(Looking down at the magazine)
What is this? What are you, since when do
you read the "National Review"? What
are you turning in to?
(Turning to a nearby chair for some
gum in her pocketbook)
Well, I like to try to get all points
It's wonderful. Then why don'tcha get
William F. Buckley to kill the spider?
(Spinning around to face him)
Alvy, you're a little hostile, you know that?
Not only that, you look thin and tired.
She puts a piece of gum in her mouth.
Well, I was in be- It's three o'clock in
the morning. You, uh, you got me outta
bed, I ran over here, I couldn't get a
taxi cab. You said it was an emergency,
and I didn't ge- I ran up the stairs.
Hell - I was a lot more attractive when the
evening began. Look, uh, tell- Whatta
you- Are you going with a right-wing
rock-and roll star? Is that possible?
(Sitting down on a chair arm and
looking up at Alvy)
Would you like a glass of chocolate milk?
Hey, what am I-your son? Whatta you mean?
I-I came over --
(Touching his chest with her hand)
I got the good chocolate, Alvy.
Yeah, where is the spider?
It really is lovely. It's in the bathroom.
Is he in the bathroom?
(Rising from chair)
Hey, don't squish it, and after it's
dead, flush it down the toilet, okay?
And flush it a couple o' times.
(Moving down the hallway to the bathroom)
Darling, darling, I've been killing
spiders since I was thirty, okay?
(Upset, hands on her neck)
(Coming back into the living room)
Very big spider.
Two ... Yeah. Lotta, lotta trouble.
There's two of 'em.
Alvy starts walking down the ball again,
(Opening a closet door)
Yep. I didn't think it was that big,
but it's a major spider. You got a broom or
something with a-
Oh, I-I left it at your house.
-snow shovel or anything or something.
I think I left it there, I'm sorry.
Reaching up into the closet, Alvy takes
out a covered tennis racquet.
(Holding the racquet)
Okay, let me have this.
Well, what are you doing ...
what are you doing with-
Honey, there's a spider in your
bathroom the size of a Buick.
He walks into the bathroom, Annie looking
Well, okay. Oooh.
Alvy stands in the middle of the bathroom,
tennis racquet in one band, rolled
magazine in the other. He looks over at
the shelf above the sink and picks up
a small container. He holds it out,
shouting off screen to Annie.
Hey, what is this? You got black soap?
It's for my complexion.
Whatta-whatta yuh joining a minstrel show?
(Alvy turns and starts swapping the racquet
over the shelf, knocking down articles
and breaking glass)
(He continues to swat the racquet all over
the bathroom. He finally moves out of
the room, hands close to his body. He walks
into the other room, where Annie is sitting
in a corner of her bed leaning against the wall)
I did it! I killed them both.
What-what's the matter? Whatta you-
(Annie is sobbing, her band over her face)
-whatta you sad about? You- What'd you want
me to do? Capture 'em and rehabilitate 'em?
From Annie Hall, of course!