UPDATED BELOW AGAIN!
As some of you may or may not know, 2005 was the first year for the Holiday, Yeah, We Said Holiday, Bill O'Reilly, What Are You Gonna Do About It, Bake-Off Extravaganza! It was a total success.
I beat Res.
By a landslide.
And I didn't cheat. At all.
I have the greatest bon-bons the Internets have ever seen! Or at least that's what I've been told.
Res only wishes his bon-bons were as delectable as mine.
In his dreams!
Res came in second.
I came in first.
So, being The Winner of the 2005 Holiday, Yeah, We Said Holiday, Bill O'Reilly, What Are You Gonna Do About It, Bake-Off Extravaganza! I felt I should get the ball -- or dough -- rolling for the 2006 Holiday, Yeah, We Said Holiday, Bill O'Reilly, What Are You Gonna Do About It, Bake-Off Extravaganza! Lots of bloggers have shown an interest in baking this year, which is just great. For me, Res and Midniter. Cuz this year we're gonna be the bosses of all of you.
We didn't have many bakers last year. Actually, we had more judges than bakers last year.
Last year's bakers were...
Me. The Winner.
Res. Not The Winner.
Midniter, who was awesome.
Grisha, who was awesome also.
Last year's judges were...
Pinko Punko & his lovely wife Geenie Cola (who I heard put me over the top in judging! Nothin' but love for Geenie Cola.)
Adorable Girlfriend and The Uncanny Canadian
Lance Mannion, lover of all things Uma
Pop Renaissance -- can't find a link. Somebody help me. You'll score points.
Jedmunds -- where are you Jedmunds? Why don't you visit blue girl anymore? Sniffle.
Yes. We had more judges than bakers. We didn't really have any rules at all. We all baked as much as we wanted and shipped them off. And that shipping part of the deal ended up being pretty expensive. So we are going to have just a couple of rules this year. Just to make it more affordable for everyone.
We're only going to have three judges...
Me. Last year's winner.
Res. Last year's loser.
And Midniter. Who wins with me cuz he has to put up with Res. They live near each other, so they'll let us know what address the bakery should be sent to.
This'll not only keep the shipping charges to a minimum, but will also allow me, Res and Midniter to totally judge each and every one of you. We're going to have a blast. Talking behind your backs. Comparing your bon-bons. Stuff like that.
I'll even try to keep a spreadsheet this year like Adorable Girlfriend did last year. Uh, maybe.
The only other rule I think we should have is that everyone needs to ship their entries so they arrive by 12/20/06. If the people who have expressed interest really do participate, we're going to be getting a lot of bakery. And I thought, after we judge all of you, that we would take the remaining bakery to a local nursing home or something like that. At least that's my thought and what I think I'll do. MIdniter will probably agree with me and want to do the same, but Res'll probably just eat all of his. Cuz he's not as nice as me and Midniter.
Other things to keep in mind...
Kissing up to the judges is perfectly acceptable and encouraged.
Bribes of cash and other assorted cash-like items also encouraged.
Email Res/Midniter and I for our addresses so you'll know where to send your entries and your cash-like bribes.
Post about it on your blog to spread the word. Cuz Res and I want as many cash-like bribes as possible.
Every single solitary person who was a judge last year has to be a baker this year. Every single one. I'm looking at you, Mannion. You're not getting out of it.
I won last year.
Let the 2006 Holiday, Yeah, We Said Holiday, Bill O'Reilly, What Are You Gonna Do About It, Bake-Off & Bribery Extravaganza! begin!
UPDATE! Please read carefully. If you do not adhere to these stringent rules, you may be diqualified from the contest, only AFTER you mail your entries, of course.
1) Res will keep teh spreadsheet because he doesn't trust me. He thinks I am Judgy McCheater. Pshaw!
2) There will be three judges, so you must make and deliver three full entries, even though you are only shipping to two addresses.
3) Res asks that contestants stay mostly within the "cookie" category. If people make lots of cookies and breads and stuff, it's hard to judge, as we're not really comparing "apples to apples".
4) DO NOT EMAIL RES AT THE REPUBLICOFDOGS.NET ADDRESS, he never checks that. Email him at republicofdogs at gmail dot com. (I have never understood why people just don't type out their email addresses like they normally should be typed out with the "@" and everything. Cuz when you do, you can just cut and paste them! So easy! I would've changed it, but I'm too lazy right now to do it. Do it yourself!)
5) Take pictures of each of your items and email them to me and Res. We will post them on our bloggys. This is important, because entries are judged on appearance as well as taste, but most cookies don't look so hot after they've been manhandled by the mailmonster. Take some glamor-shots while your cookies look their best!
See Res shoved all his cookies in a #10 envelope and dropped them in some mailbox. *I*, on the other hand, packaged mine in a festive Santa box, and then packaged the festive box inside another corrugated box and then UPS'd them. Sure, it cost me $9,000 in shipping -- but I won! Don't tell The Skimmer.
6) Here's how the scoring will work: Scores will be based on appearance, creativity, and taste. Taste out of 20 and the others out of 10.
7) I did NOT have Friends-Of-Blue-Girl activist judges! I love you Mannion and Jedmunds! Kisses! Smooch, smooch, smooch!
8) Geenie Cola did indeed hose Res. And if he would've just READ MY POST ABOVE, he would've known that!
That's it so far, bakers-to-be! Drop any questions or concerns in the comment thread. But don't ask any hard questions, you don't want to get the judges mad at you so early in the game.
UPDATE NO. 2! A little something to get all of you Victorious Communists in the holiday spirit! I never knew Bing Crosby was such a liberal heathen! Take *that* Bill O'Reilly!