Right after I wrote this post a few weeks ago, I drove to the store and bought a bouquet of flowers for no reason. I was going to buy tulips, but decided on a bunch of gerber daisies instead. I've always called them gerber, like the baby food, daisies. But, did you know their real name is gerbera daisies? I don't care if that's their real name or not. Sounds pretentious when I say it, so I'm not going to say it that way. I don't like words that make me feel pretentious when I say them. One of my favorite people in the world is Elie Wiesel. You pronounce his name E-lee Wee-sell. If he's ever brought up in conversation, I avoid saying his name. Makes me feel like I'm trying to be someone I'm not. I feel like it's disrespectful to mispronounce his name, so I just don't say it. And while I can speak Italian like nobody's business, my Transylvanian is a little rusty.
Conosca che cosa sono sayin?
Anyway, I figured, if I'm going to be stuck in this bedroom office as much as I am, I might as well have something pretty to look at throughout the day.
I thought gerber daisies would last awhile. Wrong. They only looked fresh for a few days and quickly began to wilt. Looked pretty before they began to wilt, though.
I let them sit on my desk for a few days even after they were all dead. That's my usual MO. Get a big idea in my head, like having fresh flowers on my desk all the time, attempt it, fail and forget about it. But, I'm committed to this big idea, so I went out and bought another bouquet of flowers to replace the gerber daisies.
This time I decided on a bunch of tulips. Pronounced Two-Lips. Baby pink and deeper pink. I then asked the flower lady if I should get some sort of greenery to put with them.
"Well, if anything, maybe a few ferns. But, I never put greenery with Two-Lips. I just put them in a vase by themselves. They make a better statement that way!"
"Well, I never realized a vase full of flowers could make a statement! Interesting!"
I never quite figured out what statement these Two-Lips were making. Maybe ... We Two-Lips are way prettier than this photo makes us out to be. Blue Girl is a horrible photographer.
Is there anything uglier than dead Two-Lips, I ask you? I don't think so. They look terrible when they start to go. For the last week, they've been dying a slow death. Petals dropping off one by one, scattered all over my desk. The Skimmer popped his head in my office yesterday morning...
"Are you ever going to throw those flowers away?"
"They look like something out of The Munsters."
"I know Grand-pa-pa! I said, I will."
Later in the day, The Skimmer came back into my office to say he was going to the driving range.
"When you're done, will you go to the store and get me another bouquet of flowers? Since you'll be out?"
"Ehhhh." (Watch how Ted Bessell says, "Ehhhh" in that video. That's exactly how The Skimmer said it.)
"What do you mean, 'Ehhhh'? C'mon! What's the big deal?"
"What kind do you want?"
"I don't care. You pick 'em out. Something pretty, though. And make them pronounceable!"
An hour and a half later, The Skimmer came home.
"Thanks for getting the flowers."
"Listen to this. I picked them out and was walking to the checkout when Joe came up to me."
"I was requested to purchase them."
Then I said to The Skimmer, "Well, did you tell him he should buy a bouquet for Karen?"
"I'm not going to say something like that!"
"Guys don't talk to each other like that!"
"Oh my God. What are you guys? In Junior High? Do you know the points Joe would've scored for that? Do you know how happy that would've make Karen? You guys just don't get it."
"You don't. He would've been in like flynn for, I don't know, two days."
"Two days? Yeah. It would've been all rosey for maybe 20 minutes then he'd be in trouble for something again."
"You guys. I don't get you. That would've made Karen's day. Her week! Flowers for no reason are such a fun thing."
For obvious reasons.