Brenda’s got a post up about her First New Year’s Resolution.
To waste more time. Yep. I love wasting precious time. In fact, wasting time may be the most subversive act left to us in a culture that is so fucking obsessed with both saving it and complaining, not to mention boasting, about never having enough of it.
I’m with Brenda on people being obsessed with boasting about not ever having enough time. Those boasters should make it their First and Final New Year’s Resolution to stop trying to sound so important. We all know everyone screws around in one way or another, so put a sock in it already.
I feel like I waste too much time.
I’ve been fantasizing about being so busy in the new year (where so busy equals so profitable) that if I complained to you about never having enough time and you’d remind me of what I wrote above that I’d tell you that you have no idea what you’re talking about because I am that busy so put a sock in it already.
It’s all a win/win for me.
Always striving for the win/win was my New Year’s Resolution long ago, and I’ve stuck to it.
I’ve caught myself wasting vast amounts of time over the last year. For example, just last night, The Skimmer and I watched The Hangover for a second time. That could only be described as a complete waste of time, when there were other, more important things that could have been accomplished.
Until you consider that during those two redundant hours, I got to see Bradley Cooper not only wearing that black suit again, getting ready to hit the Vegas strip, but also wearing that bloody shirt while sporting that pouty, busted lip again both at the beginning and at the end of the movie.
In retrospect, that was time well spent. Time very well spent. I might just spend some very well spent time again tonight. Win/win/win.
I wasted way too much time this past fall complaining about the guy who lives behind us who cut down all of the trees on his property. Even got told to Get Bent because of it. Which sort of made me laugh. Hadn’t heard that phrase in years and years.
The Skimmer wasted more time than I did, though, thinking about that guy. And he’s still wasting time thinking about him. Recently The Skimmer said to me, as we stood in the kitchen and looked out on the three, four foot pine trees the guy has planted that will take about three zillion years to grow as tall as the ones he had just cut down had already grown, “Since that guy likes cutting down trees so much, we should go cut one of his new trees down and use it for our Christmas tree!”
The thought of the two of us doing that, all dressed in black under the cover of night, made me laugh. And I actually would have loved to have done it. Seemed like poetic justice. But, then I imagined us getting caught, arrested and thrown in the slammer. How would I stay so busy where so busy equals so profitable with all that time on my hands?!
Time is money, people! Or will be, for me, in the new year.
One thing I truly wasted time doing this year were the times I told other people what they should be doing. I try not to do that often but I catch myself doing it often enough. Like I know what other people should be doing, how they should be behaving, when half the time I don’t even know what I should be doing, or I catch myself behaving in such a way that if I saw someone else behaving that way I would probably tell them they shouldn’t be if that’s the sort of person I was most of the time.
A few months after Blue Kid was born The Skimmer and I went to a wedding. I was exhausted. I hadn’t slept in twelve weeks, but I stuffed myself into my pretty pre-partum black dress and off we went, excited to be getting out of the house. We were talking with a group of people when I happened to look down and notice a run in my stockings. I said, in my post-partum daze, “Oh no, I have a run in my stockings.”
“Well, you should always bring an extra pair of stockings when you go out, just in case.” Said the beautiful, sexy, thin, tall, childless blonde ever so helpfully.
“Put a sock in it, Blondie.” Is what I did not say to her as I thought of something much worse to say to her but didn’t say that either. I just nodded and smiled and agreed that I should not only always plan to be, but should actually be perfect in every way, every day.
So, it is a total waste of time to tell others what they should do and how they should behave because have I ever, in the last seventeen years, taken an extra pair of stockings with me when The Skimmer and I have gone out? No. Just to spite her. And I hope she has a million kids now and each of them are ripping at her stockings at this very moment, even all the extra pairs she carries with her at all times.
You might say thinking spiteful thoughts is a waste of time.
Sure is fun, though.
Besides being so busy where so busy equals so profitable in the new year, I’m not sure what my other resolutions are going to be. If I wouldn’t have been so busy throughout the year doing all the things I should and shouldn’t have been doing, I probably would’ve had them all figured out by now.