blue girl

Ain’t Nothin’ Like The Real Thing

There’s a rule in advertising that clients love to remind ad agencies of.  “Sell the sizzle, not the steak.”  Then there’s that other rule that agency gurus mutter when they’re blamed because sales don’t increase.  “Good advertising can only make a bad product fail faster.”

You can spend tons of money, backed up by good creative, advertising “New Coke.” But if it tastes worse than “Old Coke,” well then, you get the picture.  But you won’t get the New Coke.  And the ad agency will get fired. 

Why am I writing about empty promises that result in failure?  This post from Lance Mannion.  Besides his really funny line, “More Republican limbo dancing.  How low can they go?  How low can they go?”  There was this from Digby, quoting from Slate’s Timothy Noah:

“The fact is that the GOP doesn't have an agenda.  It has impulses:  to cut taxes, to increase Pentagon spending, and to mollify the Christian right wherever possible.  Does it act on these impulses?  Of course.  But what mostly gives the party appeal to the electorate is its ability to scream and yell while seldom being granted the opportunity to ban abortion or eliminate the Securities and Exchange Commission or declare war on France.  It stirs things up satisfyingly, while never requiring anybody to pay the price.”

The GOP has been selling the sizzle for more than 40 years.  And while branding their own party, they’ve worked even harder to brand the competition.  Which has been really successful, but dishonest.  Dishonesty in advertising?  I know you are all shocked!

They’ve been most successful branding the word “liberal.”  Anyone or anything they disagree with is “liberal.”

If you’ve ever started a sentence with, “Yeah, Saddam Hussein was a bad guy, but....” You’re a liberal.  Don’t like the idea of sending our soldiers to war, at a time of our choosing, without the appropriate amount of armor?  You’re a liberal.  Think the photos from Abu Graib revealed more than just a fraternity hazing?  You’re a liberal.  Think people deserve a living wage?  You’re a liberal.  Think our health care system is out of control?  You’re a liberal. 

Which begs the question.  Why do conservative pundits, knowing Bush is getting nowhere with his social security pitch, insist to us that he’s brave just for bringing it up?  But when Clinton tried to tackle our health care system, these same pundits could be heard screaming, “I’d rather be dead than red!”

You still watch the network news?  You’re a liberal.  You like to watch some of the raunchy shows on TV?  You’re a liberal.  Unless you’re a conservative.  Then you love South Park because sometimes they make fun of liberals.  (Forget the episode where the Devil and Jesus beat each other up with sex toys.  They also trashed a liberal in the same episode.)

Never mind that we are trying to help an extremely conservative, ultra-religious region of the world become a liberal democracy. 

Another GOP branding strategy has been their cry for smaller government.  And this was a simple strategy.  They just started saying the opposite of what liberals believed.  No wishy-washiness there.  They don’t like to be accused of parsing language.  It’s all black and white. Which they’ve parsed into their language to back up their strategies.

There was lots of sizzle to the “smaller government” strategy because the GOP could promise tax cuts.  But once again the sizzling is fizzling.  According to Jeffrey Sachs, Bush supported expenditure increases for popular items like education and prescription drug benefits but paid for these services by borrowing the money rather than ensuring sufficient tax revenues.”

Sach’s continues, “The problem is that Bush's reckless gamble has now built up considerable political momentum.  As soon as he was re-elected, Bush started to propose cuts in popular government programs, but his own party is rejecting those cuts.”

Why are members of his own party, the party of smaller government rejecting spending cuts for popular programs?  Because they want to get re-elected!  Even the voters of Republican candidates want something done for them by their government!  It’s odd that Republican operators never considered this little detail when reciting their smaller government mantra over the years.  They probably just thought, “we’ll deal with it when it happens.”

Problem is, it’s happening.  And they can’t deal with it.  And, according to all the polls, neither can the majority of Americans.

The latest sizzle they’ve sunk their teeth into is the “moral values” issue.  In a time where it seems all of us have little control, there’s always that ugly side of human nature, that they can take advantage of by the way, that allows us to believe that we can control the personal behavior of others.  But even this empty strategy doesn’t hold water, considering how Bush backed away from the religious right in his speech last night, based on the backlash from the Terri Schiavo fiasco and Bill Frist participating in a campaign to smear Democrats as being against “people of faith.”

What rallied Americans to re-elect Bush by a small margin was fear.  The GOP has lost sight of the fact that they were re-elected because they convinced a majority that Osama Bin Laden wanted Kerry to be president more than Bush.  Remember when Cheney cautioned us about how a Kerry presidency would invite nuclear armageddon to our cities?

Has the terror warning been raised since November 2nd?  Afraid not. 

If the response to Bush’s social security initiative and energy plan remains low and gas prices remain high, while people keep losing their jobs and the health care system keeps spiraling out of control, they might well indeed pull out the big guns again.  We better prepare for what Jim Jeffords predicted last month.  And that is the U.S. invasion of Iran to help set up the next Republican presidential candidate.

But, that strategy might fail this time as well, knowing that the invasion of Iraq was based on lies and deceit.  Which has left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth.  This time, like New Coke, hearing nothing but empty promises, the majority of Americans may not buy it.

Christmas In April

I just went to The UPS Store.  Which I think is such a dumb name.  If you want a quick lunch, you don’t go to The Burger King Store.  If your hair needs trimmed, you don’t go to The Best Cuts Store. So I’ll protest and just call it That Place I Go To Ship My Stuff, when it absolutely positively has to be there overnight.  Oh, that’s FedEx.  Before it became FedEx-Kinko’s.  Brilliant!

As I left That Place I Go, I noticed a lady coming out of the Dairy Queen.  Eating a banana split!  In broad daylight with many strangers there to witness her audacity!  She seemed happy, like she was celebrating.  So I took her cue and decided to go to The Coffee Store, where I would indulge in a Large Chai Tea Latte.  The Coffee Store wants me to say “venti” instead of “large.”  But, I refuse.  Another little protest that gives my life meaning.

I’m new to the Chai Tea craze, and was disappointed to learn it didn’t have any healing properties like Green Tea.  It won’t even increase my chi.  Just my caloric intake.  But that’s ok because I think it tastes like Christmas and I’ve also felt like celebrating.  Ever since Monday, when Paul Krugman gave us all that little gift in The New York Times.

For months after the election, I would read the liberal columns and wonder if they were dealing with reality.  “Bush should do this.”  “Bush better do that.”  “If Bush was smart, he would do this.”  I exaggerate.  No one ever wrote the words of that last quote. 

I felt sorry for these columnists.  All I had to do after the election was try to catch my breath after that sucker punch.  These people had to keep on writing, forming opinions for us losers to read.  But as a liberal, I kept the faith.

Krugman’s article was not meant to persuade, but inform.  And it gave credence to my feelings of the past couple of weeks.  Krugman wrote, “According to John Snow, the Treasury secretary, the global economy is in a ‘sweet spot.’  Conservative pundits talk, without irony, about a ‘Bush Boom.’  Yet only 33 percent of Americans polled believe the economy is improving, while 59 percent think it’s getting worse.”

“(Their) upbeat view is a case in point.  Corporate interests are doing very well.  Over the last three years profits grew at an annual rate of 14.5 percent after inflation, the fastest growth since WWII.  But the majority of Americans are not doing well, their income grew less than in any other postwar recovery -- less than a tenth as fast as profits.”

He continues, “...(they) have been on the wrong side of public opinion on one issue after another:  the economy, Social Security, Terri Schiavo and Tom Delay.  And, “Bush is the least popular second-term president on record.”  Halleluiah!

Krugman says the reason for all this is simple.  Bush and Company only talk to their Corporate interests and the religious right.  And those people at those Town Hall Meetings, who are behind Bush 100% with his plan to privatize social security.  While 70% of the rest of us are “uneasy” with his plan to eliminate it.  Those people need to talk to us people.

Krugman wrote, “Republican leaders in congress, who talk only to the religious right, were shocked at the public backlash over their meddling in the Schiavo case.  Did I mention Rick Santorum is 14 points behind his likely challenger?”

When I read that last line on Monday I did a cartwheel through the living room and then hugged my cat.  Which would have Santorum calling 911.  You know he’s on record about certain behaviors that can only lead to more extreme behaviors.  C’mon, Pennsylvania, you’re a blue state!  So gosh darnit, I’m glad you’re starting to act like one!

Krugman’s column continues, “In a poll taken before the recent resurgence of violence in Iraq, and the administration’s announcement that it needs yet another $80 billion, 53 percent of Americans said that the Iraq war wasn’t worth it.  And 50 percent say that ‘the administration deliberately misled the public about whether Iraq has weapons of mass destruction.’”

He says most Americans are feeling “a sense of dread” about health care costs, the lack of jobs, gas prices and the war in Iraq.  And best of all, Americans are starting to notice that no one in power seems to care about any of these things.

Well, most Americans may be feeling a sense of dread.  But, I’m feeling a sense of joy.  Bush doesn’t read the papers, so I’m sure he didn’t read that American’s are on to him.  Just the fact that he embraced Tom Delay, offering him support and a ride on Air Force One, shows the right wing may be in big trouble that won’t end any time soon. 

My joy may be short lived.  I know the 2006 elections are a long way off, but right now I’m celebrating, drinking my delicious Chai Tea and thinking, it’s all just simply Grande!

Saved By the Dinner Bell

I have an essay to finish for a class tomorrow night.  I’ve been working on this thing now for three weeks.  Start.  Stop.  Start.  Stop.  Tap my fingers, hit the keys. Hit S.  Then hit T.  Then hit U.  Then hit C.  Then hit K.  Start to daydream and watch the cursor on my monitor blink.  Blink.  Blink.  Blink.

I think I’ll read for awhile.  I turn to “The Writer’s Book of Hope,” by Ralph Keyes: 

“Many writers are more nervous about committing words to paper than the average person.  That’s why they work at it so hard.  They’re determined not to let nerves lay them low.  The prolific Norman Mailer said that his dozens of books were written in part to keep dread at bay.  Nonwriters often assume that writers must be very dedicated because they spend so much time writing.  That’s true of some.  For others it’s just the opposite:  they write without cease due to fear that taking a day away from their desk might mean they’d never return.  Their productivity is a product, not a by-product, of insecurity.  Stephen King has attributed his book-a-year output in part to trying to ‘outrun the self-doubt that’s always waiting to settle in.’”

“Like talent, ‘inspiration’ is overrated when it comes to writing.  The muse is a tease.  She is like a charismatic friend with whom it’s fun to party -- if she shows up.  Too many writers turn off their computer and turn on the television because they think Ms. Muse has stood them up.  It’s thrilling to write when inspired, just as making love is most exciting during a torrid romance.  But writing careers can no more be based on lightning bolts of inspiration than lasting marriages can be built on hot night of lusty lovemaking.  Writers write, inspired or not.”

“Let’s consider fear’s menacing first cousin -- anxiety -- what our grandparents called nerves.  Anxiety is more muted than fear as such, more ongoing, the nervousness we feel every time we sit down to write.  Fear is a piercing wound, anxiety a throbbing toothache.  One is the terror that everyone will see through us and hate us when they read what we’ve written, the other a shiver of concern that we just won’t get the words right.”

Okay, that was a good way to blow through 10 minutes.  Typing someone else’s words.  Not that I’m in the same league as Stephen King, but I’m kind of glad something can scare him.

Okay back to my essay.  Oh no, wait.  My husband’s yelling that dinner’s ready.  I guess this’ll have to wait.  Wouldn’t want dinner to get cold, ya know.

NOT: Roy Orbison singing for the lonely/Hey that's me and I want you only

For those of us bracing for winter’s return and other lucky devils tired of sipping cocktails by the pool, VH1’s going to have a rare treat tonight.  Bruce Springsteen’s going to be on “Storytellers” at 10 p.m.

Here we learn Springsteen brought along a loose-leaf binder filled with handwritten notes.

"I read 'em this morning, and I sounded kind of full of myself," Springsteen deadpanned. "I don't need notes for that."

We’ll also learn that he considers a lyric from "Thunder Road" to be "probably the hokiest ... I ever wrote."

Bettcha it’s one of the more chickier ones being the guy’s guy that he is.

Thunder Road

The screen door slams
Mary's dress waves
Like a vision she dances across the porch
As the radio plays
Roy Orbison singing for the lonely
Hey that's me and I want you only
Don't turn me home again
I just can't face myself alone again
Don't run back inside
Darling you know just what I'm here for
So you're scared and you're thinking
That maybe we ain't that young anymore
Show a little faith there's magic in the night
You ain't a beauty but hey you're alright
Oh and that's alright with me

You can hide 'neath your covers
And study your pain
Make crosses from your lovers
Throw roses in the rain
Waste your summer praying in vain
For a saviour to rise from these streets
Well now I'm no hero
That's understood
All the redemption I can offer girl
Is beneath this dirty hood
With a chance to make it good somehow
Hey what else can we do now?
Except roll down the window
And let the wind blow
Back your hair
Well the night's busting open
These two lanes will take us anywhere
We got one last chance to make it real
To trade in these wings on some wheels
Climb in back
Heaven's waiting on down the tracks
Oh-oh come take my hand
We're riding out tonight to case the promised land
Oh-oh Thunder Road oh Thunder Road
Lying out there like a killer in the sun
Hey I know it's late we can make it if we run
Oh Thunder Road sit tight take hold
Thunder Road

Well I got this guitar
And I learned how to make it talk
And my car's out back
If you're ready to take that long walk
From your front porch to my front seat
The door's open but the ride it ain't free
And I know you're lonely
For words that I ain't spoken
But tonight we'll be free
All the promises'll be broken
There were ghosts in the eyes
Of all the boys you sent away
They haunt this dusty beach road
In the skeleton frames of burned out Chevrolets
They scream your name at night in the street
Your graduation gown lies in rags at their feet
And in the lonely cool before dawn
You hear their engines roaring on
But when you get to the porch they're gone
On the wind so Mary climb in
It's town full of losers
And I'm pulling out of here to win

I Have a Confession To Make

I’m not Catholic.  I didn’t even know what Ash Wednesday was until I was 18.  I was a freshman at Kent State and on my way to class noticed a lot of people with dirty foreheads.  How strange, I thought, until my Irish Catholic roommate enlightened me on the subject.  Right before we went out for $1.00 shot’s night at our favorite bar down the street.

Over the years I’ve had a lot of connections with the Catholic Church, but as an outsider.  I’m a singer, and I’ve probably sang in more than 30 Catholic weddings.  Where non-Catholic friends might request a unique rendition of “Wonderful Tonight” or “Leather and Lace,” the riskiest song my Catholic friends were allowed to request was “You Light Up My Life.”  I can belt a killer Ave Maria for any denomination.

So not being Catholic, I was a bit confused by all the outpouring of grief when the Pope died.  I was amazed by the 24/7 media coverage and the people flocking to Rome.  After all, he was 85 years old.  He had been sick for a long time.  He was a human being.  They had to know this would happen at some point.

I was even more shocked by all the talk surrounding the issue by my non-Catholic, Republican friends.  The first used the Pope’s death to slam Bill Clinton.  Seems the Pope liked George W. Bush better for some reason.  I’m sure he was just regurgitating a Rush Limbaugh crack, who without being able to rail against that heathen who never inhaled, would still be strung out on hillbilly heroin.

The second comment was from a close friend who emailed, “...I am in the camp that the church (Catholic) in this case does have to set a hard line knowing humans will back slide from there. I think Benedict is the right choice for a growing 3rd world base.”

His email sucked me into a debate of religion and politics.  I’ll debate politics till the cows come home, but I took a vow of silence on discussing religion long ago.

Trying to be respectful, the only points I could make over and over again were that politicians shouldn’t use God as a way to gain power and that people have enough work to do on themselves without constantly telling others how they should lead their lives.

He ended his last email by writing, “I sense a lot of anger.”

But I think that was in response to a comment I made about a comment he made about, who else?  Bill Clinton.

Because I believe everything happens for a reason, this post appeared from Lance Mannion.  He starts his post writing of an old girlfriend’s father who wasn’t religious but was very opinionated about how religious other people were supposed to be. 

Lance continues, “What I came to realize as I got older and ran into more people of his type, and particularly when I saw a whole bunch of them running the country back in the 1980s, is that his "religion" was just another expression of his Republican politics.  What he liked about religion was its power to keep the lower orders in line.”

He continues by calling both the left and the right on the carpet for their bla-bla-blather regarding the new Pope.  But in a respectful way.  Lance is not one to go negative.

Lance:  “Criticize his theology, criticize his actions, but do it in a grown up way and try to remember that there are people standing next to you to whom the Pope matters in a way that a run of the mill bad politician doesn't.”

So today, as a suicide bomber kills 10 in Iraq during mid-day prayers and Bill Frist provides a videotape that will be shown this “Justice Sunday” to churches and Christian television networks accusing Democrats of being “against people of faith, I’ll just keep wondering, “Where is God?”

"People have a tendency to forget," concedes Keith Maupin, Matt's father.

Between the headlines:  “Culkin plans to testify for Jackson” and “Kentucky Fried Chicken moniker returning?”  I read that two U.S. Marines and a U.S. solder were killed in Iraq last Friday, a U.S. Marine was shot and killed in Ramadi the day before that.  And that enemy mortar fire killed a Marine the day before that.

The total number of coalition casualties totals 1,726.  176 of these deaths come from countries like Bulgaria, Estonia and Hungary.

Because our government does not keep track of Iraqi casualties and wounded, avoiding the “body count” mentality of the Vietnam War, others have made the attempt.  Estimates range from 12,500 to 100,000.   

The total number of U.S. deaths stands at 1,563 with an additional 11,665 U.S. wounded. And then I suddenly remembered the one U.S. soldier that is missing in action.  I hadn’t thought of Matt Maupin in awhile.  I had forgotten.

On April 9, 2004 Spc. Keith “Matt” Maupin, of Batavia, Ohio was just 20 when his convoy came under heavy attack.  Maupin was one of 10 soldiers providing security for Halliburton employees hauling fuel while traveling the dangerous stretch of road to the Baghdad airport.  When the chaos ended, 25 were killed or wounded and Matt was missing.

Soon after, a videotape was aired showing Maupin sitting on a floor, looking scared, surrounded by five gunmen. Their faces were covered by scarves.

That was the last time his family and friends were able to see him.

Because a “recognized government" has to capture you alive for you to be listed as a POW, Maupin is listed as “Missing/Captured.”   His parents have been making the $2,400 monthly deposit of his salary. “Matt’s going to like that,” his father says. “He said it’s all tax free.”

Matt is married and has a young child.  His high school issued a statement that read, “He is a "great kid" and "an excellent student" who won the Scholar Athlete Award for maintaining a 3.5 GPA while playing football.”  He loved Superman and Star Wars.  Like a lot of kids, his grew up with a basketball hoop in the driveway and unlike most, had a '98 red Mustang that he cherished.  He was also shy around girls.  He is good looking and friends say he is “laid-back.”

Matt shocked his parents by coming home one day and announcing he had joined the Army Reserve.  Studying nutritional science, he needed money to continue his college education.   His father, an ex-Marine, was not happy about Matt’s decision.  The war was still going on in Afghanistan and everyone knew Iraq was next.

Even before Matt’s capture, his parents had started the “Yellow Ribbon Support Center.”  Volunteers help to box and ship donated items to the troops oversees.  The carepackages include candy, cookies, coffee and hot chocolate, games, toothbrushes, underwear and toiletries. (Their wishlist is here.)

Now each box also contains a plastic bag with 10 small pin-on badges showing a photo of Maupin and a slip of paper that says: “These are pictures of our captured soldier Spc. Keith ‘Matt’ Maupin, please help us find him.”

According to the Foundation’s website, Matt’s parents are getting frustrated with the Army.  “They call and tell us there’s no update,” Matt’s father, Keith says. “We’re not getting bummed out. We’re actually getting pissed.” 

Every so often Matt’s mom Carolyn, gets the urge to find her son herself. “But then I realize that’s just the anger of a parent,” she says. “They tell me Iraq is as big as California. Where would I start looking?”

President Bush has contacted Matt's parents four times.  All before the election.
Regardless, they still support the war.

Matt’s unit returned home last month, but he remains missing.  He’s now 21.

While a new Gallop poll shows that 53% of Americans now say the war in Iraq is not worth it, and our government offers a $25 million reward for terrorist, al-Zarqawi’s capture, Matt Maupin’s parents continue to include his photos on little pins and ship them to Iraq.

They don’t want us to forget.  Let them know you won’t.

Short Poem for a Small Man

Tom Delay and
The Courts

The courts, Delay believes, have run amok.
He's catalogued the wrongs that must be righted.
If he already rails against the courts,
Just think of how he'll feel once he's indicted.

                      --Calvin Trillin
                      May 2, 2005 issue of "The Nation"

The Wrath of PMS

I think the Cialis commercials are pure crap. No offense guys, but I see almost every woman I know running away screaming, at just the hint of a four hour erection. Or even a two hour erection. We need our beauty sleep.

Our family protests these commercials on a nightly basis. As soon as one comes on, we change the channel. Granted this dissent doesn’t make the morning papers, but it makes us feel better. Like when we yell at the TV during a Tom Delay press conference or when we simply nod our heads in agreement as Barbara Boxer grills the latest nominee.

But all this feeling better by doing nothing is giving me a headache.

When a party that stands for state’s rights goes to the Supreme Court to have their nominee appointed president; when our National Security Advisor is given a brief titled “Bin Laden Plans Attack Inside US.” then claims lack of imagination when the attack occurs; when George Tenent is awarded the Medal of Freedom by stifling those who’s pre-war intelligence reports were accurate; when this administration goes to war at “a time of our choosing” without supplying soldiers the appropriate armor because we were in too big a hurry and then taunts the enemy to “Bring It On”; when John Kerry is labeled a war criminal by a party that uses God as a strategy to accumulate power as Bill Frist speaks at a national Christian conference labeling Democrats “against people of faith” because he’s got his eye on the White House in 2008 -- if all of this doesn’t inspire the more than 50 million Americans who voted for Kerry to do more than yell at the TV, what in heaven’s name is going on?

How can we break this cycle of inaction? I think the answer may come in the form of a pill.

I’ve been reading a lot lately about pharmacists around the country refusing to fill women’s birth control prescriptions if they have a moral or religious opposition to the drug. According to The Washington Post, “There are pharmacists who will only give birth control pills to a woman if she's married. There are pharmacists who mistakenly believe contraception is a form of abortion and refuse to prescribe it to anyone.”

And there are politicians like Bill Frist, who think by pushing this group’s agenda it might be his ticket to the west wing.

Yeah, on a wing and a prayer.

I wonder if Bill Frist and the rest of the of the religious right have ever heard of a phenomenon called
“synchronous menstruation.” It’s when the menstrual cycles of a specific group of women begin to coincide. There’s no scientific proof that it exists, but I’ve personally experienced it with women I used to work with, much to the dismay of my boss. Who would hide in his office and smoke cigarettes till the week had passed.

Besides the obvious benefit of taking birth control pills, they also reduce the symptoms of PMS.

Now imagine the more than 10 million women who are now taking birth control pills suddenly denied access. You talk about a group of extremists. Their cycles synchronized, their faces all broken out. They wouldn’t just be yelling at the TV, they’d storm the capitol and like a dog with a bone wouldn’t give up till these opportunistic politicians got with the program.

Those gutless wonders will be the ones running away screaming, trying to escape this new reality they have created.

I can’t imagine that we would ever be denied access to our birth control pills.

But then I never imagined that our country could be convinced that John Kerry, who volunteered for duty in Vietnam was a war criminal while Cheney received five deferments, Ashcroft, seven and Bush blew off his National Guard service.

So let that actress in the Cialis commercial keep on purring about a longer, lasting experience. When she’s denied her birth control pills, I bet she won’t take it lying down.

Women will not accept it. Period.

Selling Her Soul

I just flipped on Fox News and caught the last few seconds of a commercial. It was one of those sleezy lawyer spots. Ugly graphics, big type, cheap production value, etc.

There’s a “lawyer” on camera pushing Living Wills. As the video of Terri Schiavo in that hospital bed played behind him.

Full screen shots of her. Up close shots of her. Until only her face fills the entire screen.

As the “lawyer” says, “Don’t let this happen to you. Call today to get your living will!”

Throughout the Terri Schiavo fiasco there was only one thing I felt I knew for sure. That she would never have wanted her physically disabled condition broadcast around the world. I don’t know one woman who would have wanted that.

And when I found out that her parents were selling copies of that video for $100 each, I was appalled. Absolutely disgusted.

While trying to save their daughter’s life, they have sold her soul.

They do indeed have a lot to live with.

Trash Talkin'

My husband’s golfing. And my son’s at a skateboarding party. I actually had to sign a waiver where I agreed not to sue the park for any reason whatsoever. So I signed. Accepting the fact that my son’s participation in this activity is “dangerous and entails known and unanticipated risks that could result in serious bodily injury, paralysis or even death.” I hope he’s having fun. Joan Crawford would be proud.

My goal for the day is to clean my office. An extra bedroom on the second floor. Yes, it’s 70 degrees outside and the sun is shining. But I have to install OS X on my Mac. Which means I have to clean my office. Don’t ask. It just does. But I thought I’d ease into it.

I turned on C-Span. They were replaying the “Stop Activist Judges” conference that was held on Thursday. There were excellent speakers: Bill Federer, president of AmeriSearch, Don Federer, not sure who he represents, but he’s Bill’s cousin. Then there was Mike Farris of Home School Legal Defense. These guys were smart, interesting and scary. I haven’t googled them yet. But I will. I’m hoping to write an informative post in the future. We've got to know our enemies.

Ok. Upstairs. I’m a piler and attacked the first one with gusto. If I haven’t looked at it since we moved our little business back home last year, it’s history. Feeling guilty for throwing perfectly good paper clips away, I slowed down. Always a curse. It’s going to take longer. You realize why you might have saved these things to begin with.

As I put in an Elton John CD, our oldest black cat, Woody, was asking loudly to go outside. Yes. He talks. Going back downstairs I flipped on Fox News. The copy at the bottom asked, “Are Democrats Using Delay’s Troubles for Political Gain?”

Well I sure as hell hope so! Or I’m not reading anymore of Howard Dean’s emails!

I gave Harold, Scruffy and Charlie Brown, our three guinea pigs, each a carrot and went back upstairs to the dust bunnies.

I checked my email and a great friend wrote a message about my new blog adventure. I wrote back telling him how sometimes it takes me forever to write a post and sometimes it just flows.

Quickly he wrote back:

“Sometimes it drips out of a vein and keeps clotting and other times it just gushes like a slashed artery. But it’s all blood, sweat, and a lotta joy.”

I, myself, like it better when it gushes like a slashed artery. But, I figure when it clots I’ve probably learned more.

I then went through a stack of magazines and design annuals. For some reason I had saved the December 6, 1999 issue of TIME.

Cover Story: Jesus at 2000

I’m sure at the time, I did not blame the Religious Right for this.

There was a full page, full color ad promoting Dennis Miller’s Millennium Special. And I wondered. Was he as big an ass then as he is now?

I will watch Bill O’Reilly. If I’m desperate, I will watch Hannity and Colmes.

But only for one minute. I don’t care if Stephanie Miller said Hannity is a bit hunk of stud meat. He reminds me of the football players who disrupted my viewing pleasure during the last episode of “Mash” at Kent State. Big mouths.

But I will not watch Dennis Miller.

Miller: "I don't know what I think of George W. Bush when he first got in, but I've grown fond of the man, and maybe it's the times we live in. They say he's not an environmentalist. But every time I see his ranch on TV, it looks pretty nice. You know something, if we all took care of our own, we'd have a great environment.”

Oh really, Dennis? Do you really think so?

I’m not sure how I alone could eliminate the arsenic in my tap water, but I’ll try.

Sell out.

In the Table of Contents there was this little gem:

CAMPAIGN 2000: Bush Battles on Two Fronts
With McCain catching him in New Hampshire polls and Forbes outorganizing him in Iowa, the onetime shoo-in faces tough fights, but he sticks to his moderate script

The word “moderate” jumped out at me instantly. But then I wondered. Did I realize how important the word “script” was at the time?

You should see the picture above it. Or you probably wouldn’t want to. It caught the expression right before his whole face morphs into “the smirk.” The photographer didn’t know he should have waited one more second.

There’s also a full page, full color ad for the NRA. It encouraged me to celebrate “man’s rise to freedom from oppression...” and “....to participate in the majesty of that never-ending story” by becoming a member of the NRA.

A few months after I was robbed at gun point last year, I received a direct mail piece from the NRA. When I first got it I thought my very good, although Republican, right-wing, George Bush accepting, Ronald Reagan loving, liberal hating (except for me) friend had put me on their mailing list as a joke.

He swore he didn’t. I realized then that they were smart enough to be building a mailing list of gun crime victims. I’m not sure, but maybe police reports are available to everyone. And they know that. And they use it. I hated that my mailman saw that I received something from the NRA.

Are there any Democratic strategists thinking this smart right now? If so, I haven’t seen or heard it.

I threw that direct mail away. In hindsight, I wish I hadn’t. I’ve got a great collection going of things I’m going to frame when our basement is remodeled. I would love to have that hanging on the wall.

Shoot.

There were other tid-bits. A little piece on Osama Bin Laden. But it was about his suspected involvement in Chechnya.

Funny how I pay much more attention to news coming out of Chechnya now.

Rae Carruth had just been arrested for trying to kill his pregnant girlfriend. Charles Schulz was sick. And Daisy Tan had just died.

53% of African Americans claimed to have experienced some form of racial discrimination and Josef Joffe declared that coffee would be the downfall of America in the 21st Century.

And yet no mention of Y2K.

Just heard a car door slam. The kid is home. No broken bones. No paralysis. Always good news for a mom.

My alone-time has ended and I’ve got to pop a pizza in the oven.

And as I look around I realize I’ve got piles to go before I sleep.