When Stars Collide

When I read Adorable Girlfriend's post yesterday, I got the distinct feeling that it had something to do with falling in love.  Although she was sort of secretive about the whole thing, I was clued-in by the swans posed in the shape of a heart and the enthusiasm in her writing.  I turned out to be right!  How clued-in am I?  Totally clued-in, people!

Because AG kept this first meeting with The Uncanny Canadian from us, Plover, commenter extraordinaire, wrote the story of how they met.  It's so breathtakenly, heart-burstingly, shiver-up- your-spine romantic, I want to share it with all of you.  I mean, there are sqeaky carrots and slide rulers and everything!

But, first a little backstory for those of you not familiar with each of their distinct personality characteristics.  It will help you to understand the story better.

Please remember that many of these descriptions will be what my impressions are.  I have the memory of a gnat, so I may be off on some things.  If that's the case -- I'm sure you'll live.

The world will continue to spin!

The Uncanny Canadian is, um, from Canada.  He's a Canuck!  He probably likes hockey and universal healthcare.  He's very uncanny.  Meaning he's so keen and perceptive as to seem preternatural.  And also peculiarly unsettling, as if of supernatural origin or nature; eerie.  He's a scientist of some sort.  He likes beakers and pouring colored liquid into them and measuring that liquid -- stuff like that.  I think he might own a white lab coat.  I'm not sure.  And he probably has a lot of scales of different sizes.  He does scientific experiments on small animals and people have accused him of eating them afterward.  I don't believe that though.  Because I know how much he likes donuts.  And waves to restaurants that have given him free donuts in the past as he's driving by in his car.  Oh!  And he likes Take 5 bars.  And pork.  I really don't think he'd eat a lab rat.  Or maybe he would.  I mean he is peculiarly unsettling at times.  My impression is that he's a perfect gentleman, which is what must make him so keen as to be preternatural.  Whatever that means.

Adorable Girlfriend has been described as being adorable by a lot of people in the blogosphere.  But probably not by some people in real life.  People like Holiday Inn employees and rude people who ride buses.  I know for sure she's been described as adorable by The Uncanny Canadian.  He's so keen!  She seems to be a world traveler.  I have no idea where she lives.  Sometimes I picture that she lives in New York City, sometimes I picture that she lives in Boston.  But I know for sure she doesn't live in Pennsylvania.  She hates Pennsylvania with a passion that can hardly be put into words.  And who could blame her?  She's the keeper of spreadsheets when judging Holiday Bake-offs because she can be trusted to play fair and square.  She's going to be graduating from somewhere soon in something and she should be very proud.  Or she already graduated, but she has one more class to take.  I'm sure she'll look adorable at her graduation, or already did.  She loves the sciency part of The Uncanny Canadian.  She loves his experimental, lab coat wearing nerdiness.  (I'd make another uncanny joke here, but it's getting sort of old, don't you think?)

So with that background, here is the story of how The Uncanny Canadian and Adorable Girlfriend met and fell in love.

Oh wait.  Pinko's also in this story.  Here's all you need to know about Pinko, the cobag.  He blogs incoherently 24 hours a day.  He's married to Geenie Cola who loves blue girl!  She's his much better half.

Ok, without further ado...

Once upon a time, in the Land of Nürd, there lived a Canadian. Oh, a stalwart slayer of mice and tireless pursuer of donuts was he! Or was it the other way around? I mean, one day all the mice escaped and it took hours to er… ahem… In time, there came to the Land of Nürd, at that fief known as the Pinkdom of Pork, a Girlfriend, mistress of the cobag hunt and scourge of hospital and hotel staffs across the land. And it came to pass one afternoon that the Pinko of Pork took the Girlfriend out for a walk to show her his Pinkdom (not one word, Chuckles). They strolled along the bluffs and stopped to gaze out across the Sea of Pork.

As it happened, the Canadian had chosen that day to visit the Sea of Pork for the purpose of going a-snorkeling. However, during his snorkulations, he was set upon by a gang of PhD candidates. But the Canadian was familiar with the dangers of the Land of Nürd, and always kept his slide-rule close at hand. Soon, he had routed the PhD candidates and sent them fleeing up the beach, looking as if their brains had been given a turn in the centrifuge.

Observing the triumph of the Canadian from atop the bluff, the Girlfriend felt a stirring of tenderness for the gallant, slide-rule–wielding Pork snorkeler. “Gracious, he is quite the Nürd!” said she, and in access of sentiment, proceeded to swoon.

The Pinko, having been charmed by the retreating posterior of one of the PhD candidates, did not notice, and she toppled to the grass. She stood up, glared at the Pinko, moved squarely into his line of sight, and swooned anew. Again, she found herself stretched upon the sward, though this time the Pinko stared down at her with puzzled countenance as he mulled whether Ann Bartow would approve if he helped his companion to rise. Regaining her feet, the Girlfriend decided the best course of action would be to first, thrash the Pinko with a squeaky carrot, and following, to climb down the bluff.

As the Canadian stood on the shore, carefully cleaning his slide-rule after his encounter, he heard the distant squeaking of a carrot. Scanning the bluffs above, he was amazed to see a Girlfriend appear at the ridge-line, and then commence to clamber down the sheer cliff. He watched her descent quite carefully, trying to discern the trick which kept her fast to the face of the bluff. As she reached the drift of sand piled against the base of the cliff, he greeted her, “Why that was… er, wow… your descent… my lady, you are quite uncanny!”

“Uncanny?” she replied. “Why yes, yes I am! And you are?”

“Ah—”

At this point, the Canadian’s eye was caught by a hedgehog scurrying across the dune, and his features assumed a peculiar, melty expression as he continued, “Aww… adorable…”

And thus did meet Uncanny Girlfriend and Adorable Canadian.

As they walked together up the strand, the Canadian turned briefly to wave at the Sea of Pork.

***

That was one year ago yesterday.  It's seems to be a grand experiment they've embarked upon. 

May they live happily ever after with fire flying from their hands.

Comments

[DuWayne]

Mmmmmmmm. . . .Sea of pork. I want to swim in a sea of pork. Frolicking with the hedgehog would be fun too. . .

[plover]

It adds to the possibility that humanity is not doomed that someone might find slide-rules and squeaky carrots breathtakingly romantic...

[anita]

albert einstein once said, "gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love."

kinda relevant. i think.

[Pugsley]

Squeaky crack carrots????

Hmmmmmm

[blue girl]

Thanks for the video link Pugsley!

Now everyone can see how the squeaky carrot truly plays into the whole storyline!

:)

Soooooo romantic.

[lilybelle]

That was a lovely story.

[Adorable Girlfriend]

Blue Girl, you rock! Ya know, I don't think UC owns a white lab coat. Quel surprise: AG does with her name and the hospital she used to work at on it! UC, can do you own a white coat?

That was the best post e-vah. Blue Girl, you are getting extra points on the Bake-off sheet this year just for being so smokin' cool.

[The Uncanny Canadian]

Thanks for the post BG. It was very sweet and surprisingly accurate. Yes, I do own a lab coat, but I only wear it for the most dangerous of tasks. My labmates usually pull out the digital camera when it's on. And I do like pouring coloured liquids from one tube to another. Mostly I work with clear liquids, but the coloured ones rock hardest. Go potassium ferricyanide! Love the song as well. I always have a soft spot for Elton John/Bernie Taupin songs.

[Adorable Girlfriend]

Schmoopies, why don't you bring that coat home for some home science projects.

[Adorable Girlfriend]

Oh and the universal healthcare thing is dead-on. I didn't know he was Canadian until his second e-mail and he mentioned socialized h/c. I was like, huh?! UC is so uncanny and cute like that.

[blue girl]

I heart when there are love birds in my comment threads.

Love birds who wear white labcoats.

Sigh...