Bring It On, Round Two People!

UPDATED BELOW! MORE RULES!

UPDATED BELOW AGAIN!

As some of you may or may not know, 2005 was the first year for the Holiday, Yeah, We Said Holiday, Bill O'Reilly, What Are You Gonna Do About It, Bake-Off Extravaganza!  It was a total success.

I won.

I beat Res.

By a landslide.

And I didn't cheat.  At all.

I have the greatest bon-bons the Internets have ever seen!  Or at least that's what I've been told.

Res only wishes his bon-bons were as delectable as mine.

In his dreams!

Res came in second. 

Behind me.

I came in first.

So, being The Winner of the 2005 Holiday, Yeah, We Said Holiday, Bill O'Reilly, What Are You Gonna Do About It, Bake-Off Extravaganza!  I felt I should get the ball -- or dough -- rolling for the 2006 Holiday, Yeah, We Said Holiday, Bill O'Reilly, What Are You Gonna Do About It, Bake-Off Extravaganza!  Lots of bloggers have shown an interest in baking this year, which is just great.  For me, Res and Midniter.  Cuz this year we're gonna be the bosses of all of you.

We didn't have many bakers last year.  Actually, we had more judges than bakers last year. 

Last year's bakers were...

Me.  The Winner.

Res.  Not The Winner.

Midniter, who was awesome.

Grisha, who was awesome also.

Last year's judges were...

Pinko Punko & his lovely wife Geenie Cola (who I heard put me over the top in judging!  Nothin' but love for Geenie Cola.)

Adorable Girlfriend and The Uncanny Canadian

Lance Mannion, lover of all things Uma

Pop Renaissance -- can't find a link.  Somebody help me.  You'll score points.

Jedmunds -- where are you Jedmunds?  Why don't you visit blue girl anymore?  Sniffle.

Yes.  We had more judges than bakers.  We didn't really have any rules at all.  We all baked as much as we wanted and shipped them off.  And that shipping part of the deal ended up being pretty expensive.  So we are going to have just a couple of rules this year.  Just to make it more affordable for everyone.

We're only going to have three judges...

Me.  Last year's winner.

Res.  Last year's loser.

And Midniter.  Who wins with me cuz he has to put up with Res.  They live near each other, so they'll let us know what address the bakery should be sent to.

This'll not only keep the shipping charges to a minimum, but will also allow me, Res and Midniter to totally judge each and every one of you.  We're going to have a blast.  Talking behind your backs.  Comparing your bon-bons.  Stuff like that.

I'll even try to keep a spreadsheet this year like Adorable Girlfriend did last year.  Uh, maybe.

The only other rule I think we should have is that everyone needs to ship their entries so they arrive by 12/20/06.  If the people who have expressed interest really do participate, we're going to be getting a lot of bakery.  And I thought, after we judge all of you, that we would take the remaining bakery to a local nursing home or something like that.  At least that's my thought and what I think I'll do.  MIdniter will probably agree with me and want to do the same, but Res'll probably just eat all of his.  Cuz he's not as nice as me and Midniter.

Other things to keep in mind...

Kissing up to the judges is perfectly acceptable and encouraged.

Bribes of cash and other assorted cash-like items also encouraged.

Email Res/Midniter and I for our addresses so you'll know where to send your entries and your cash-like bribes.

Post about it on your blog to spread the word.  Cuz Res and I want as many cash-like bribes as possible.

Every single solitary person who was a judge last year has to be a baker this year.  Every single one.  I'm looking at you, Mannion.  You're not getting out of it.

I won last year.

Res didn't.

That's it!

Let the 2006 Holiday, Yeah, We Said Holiday, Bill O'Reilly, What Are You Gonna Do About It, Bake-Off & Bribery Extravaganza! begin!

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UPDATE!  Please read carefully.  If you do not adhere to these stringent rules, you may be diqualified from the contest, only AFTER you mail your entries, of course.

************

1)  Res will keep teh spreadsheet because he doesn't trust me.  He thinks I am Judgy McCheater.  Pshaw!

2)  There will be three judges, so you must make and deliver three full entries, even though you are only shipping to two addresses.

3)  Res asks that contestants stay mostly within the "cookie" category. If people make lots of cookies and breads and stuff, it's hard to judge, as we're not really comparing "apples to apples".

4)  DO NOT EMAIL RES AT THE REPUBLICOFDOGS.NET ADDRESS, he never checks that.  Email him at republicofdogs at gmail dot com.  (I have never understood why people just don't type out their email addresses like they normally should be typed out with the "@" and everything.  Cuz when you do, you can just cut and paste them!  So easy!  I would've changed it, but I'm too lazy right now to do it.  Do it yourself!)

5) Take pictures of each of your items and email them to me and Res.  We will post them on our bloggys.  This is important, because entries are judged on appearance as well as taste, but most cookies don't look so hot after they've been manhandled by the mailmonster. Take some glamor-shots while your cookies look their best!

See Res shoved all his cookies in a #10 envelope and dropped them in some mailbox.  *I*, on the other hand, packaged mine in a festive Santa box, and then packaged the festive box inside another corrugated box and then UPS'd them.  Sure, it cost me $9,000 in shipping -- but I won!  Don't tell The Skimmer.

6)  Here's how the scoring will work:  Scores will be based on appearance, creativity, and taste. Taste out of 20 and the others out of 10.

7)  I did NOT have Friends-Of-Blue-Girl activist judges!  I love you Mannion and Jedmunds!  Kisses!  Smooch, smooch, smooch!

8)  Geenie Cola did indeed hose Res.  And if he would've just READ MY POST ABOVE, he would've known that!

That's it so far, bakers-to-be!  Drop any questions or concerns in the comment thread.  But don't ask any hard questions, you don't want to get the judges mad at you so early in the game.

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UPDATE NO. 2!  A little something to get all of you Victorious Communists in the holiday spirit!  I never knew Bing Crosby was such a liberal heathen!  Take *that* Bill O'Reilly!

************

Comments

[Jennifer]

Woo-HOO!!! BG... do you like your cookies made with 10's or 20's???

[Res Publica]

I'll keep the spreadsheet. I make dull and complicated spreadsheets for a living. Also, I don't trust BG.

Midniter and I see each other all the time, so you can send both of our packages to my address. BUT! We will not be made to share a single serving while BG gorges herself! Send a serving for EACH of us!

NO CHEATING!!!

Also, although this is not a rule, I would suggest that contestants stay mostly within the "cookie" category. If people make lots of cookies and breads and stuff, it's hard to judge, as we're not really comparing "apples to apples".

[The Uncanny Canadian]

What categories are going to be judged this year? I believe last year we voted on both taste and presentation. It sounds like there will be a third category for bribery content. Which means my diamond-encrusted pastine fantasia alla milanese are sure to be a hit.

[Res Publica]

When I said "No cheating" above, I wasn't ruling out this:

Bribes of cash and other assorted cash-like items also encouraged.

Indeed, this is STRONGLY encouraged.

PLEASE DO NOT EMAIL ME AT THE REPUBLICOFDOGS.NET ADDRESS, I never check that. Email me at republicofdogs at gmail dot com.

Also, please take pictures of each of your items and email them to me. I will post them at the Republic of Dogs.

This is important, because entries are judged on appearance as well as taste, but most cookies don't look so hot after they've been manhandled by the mailmonster. Take some glamor-shots while your cookies look their best!

[blue girl]

Yay!!!!

My life is filled with fun this holiday season! I can barely contain myself.

:)

Yippeeeeeeee!

[Res Publica]

UC, exactly how did the scoring work last year?

[The Uncanny Canadian]

Don't tell AG, but I actually have a copy of the bake-off spreadsheet. I could tell you who hosed you on the voting (it wasn't me!!). We solicited scores (out of 10) based on appearance, creativity, and taste. I think the fact that two categories were mostly aesthetic detracted from whose cookies truly tasted the best. I propose that we keep the same scoring scheme, but make Taste out of 20 and keep the others out of 10.

[blue girl]

I think the fact that two categories were mostly aesthetic detracted from whose cookies truly tasted the best.

I know what you mean by that, UC! You can't pull anything over on me!~!!!! Don't think you can!

:)

[The Uncanny Canadian]

Don't worry, BG. You still have the best bon-bons on the whole internet.

[blue girl]

but most cookies don't look so hot after they've been manhandled by the mailmonster.

Unless you package them in a beautiful and festive Santa box like THE WINNER DID LAST YEAR.

[Res Publica]

I agree with UC, and think that BG's comment re: "festive Santa boxes" illustrates the PROBLEM. It's a BAKE-off, not a decorative-packaging-off.

:-P

[Res Publica]

And UC, you don't have to tell me who hosed me on the voting. I'm pretty sure it was one or both of the specially recruited Friends-Of-Blue-Girl activist judges *cough*Mannion*COUGH*jedmunds*cough*, but if it was a certain harpy with whom I share a blog, well...it would really be a shame if her user account got deleted, wouldn't it?

[Pinko Punko]

The scoring was each cookie got a 1-10 score for taste and presentation. Thus midniter would have won if his cookies were not pulverized. Res would have won on cookie presentation or if he didn't use coconut or nuts (GC doesn't like), and blue girl only won because she had an awesome package, and sacks of chewy balls, which ship and keep better and GC likes chewy things. I suspect if we did it again, BG would get crushed like an amazingly talented and sweet bug.

[Res Publica]

It was a freaking COOKIE CONTEST, and as for coconut and nuts, a) no one told me that GC didn't like those ingredients, which are b) PRESENT IN THE VAST MAJORITY OF CHRISTMAS COOKIES.

Although now that I think of it, that's really only true of nuts. What did I make that had coconut in it? I don't recall any coconut.

[Res Publica]

Also, your implication that my cookies were somehow lacking in taste is absurd. Those italian layered cookies or the filled chocolate thingies? Either of them could have won a taste contest alone.

[Res Publica]

Although I think it's pretty clear now who hosed me on the scoring.

[blue girl]

Thus midniter would have won if his cookies were not pulverized.

:)

blue girl only won because she had an awesome package

Still do, Sweet Cheeks. Don't you forget it.

It was a freaking COOKIE CONTEST

Oh my God. He's still not over it.

:)

[Res Publica]

I've got your "awesome package" right here, punk.

[annieangel]

I'm going to win this year. :)

I have one question, if everyone sends in Christmas Cookies Samplers, how does the judging work? Can one coconut infested cookie ruin the whole thing???

[Jennifer]

Hey... frankly I love nuts AND packages... I am betting all cookies were awesome. Res, I'd love to try your layered Italian-thingies any day!

Here is what I am wondering... and it's with great respect for all involved that I offer this... could you have a winner in *Presentation* and *Taste*? Could there be a Miss Congeniality of Cookies??? It could be the best package! Sure, you could have the overall winner, but could you have subcategories? Just a thought.

[Res Publica]

Annie, the answer to your question is "no", because THIS YEAR, the judging will be fair. We won't degrade something just because it contains an ingredient that WE PERSONALLY don't like, even though BILLIONS OF HUMAN BEINGS ACROSS TIME AND AROUND THE WORLD LOVE THAT SAME INGREDIENT. We're not assholes like that.

Jennifer, let's not over-complicate things. This is about baking. BG already won "Miss Congeniality" last year...except last year, they just called that "First Place".

The recipe for the Italian layer cookies was in last December's Gourmet magazine. They're a pain in the ass to make, but well worth the effort.

[Res Publica]

Oh, and Annie, the judging: Each judge will taste the items submitted by each contestant. Each judge will score each contestant in three categories: Taste, Presentation, and Creativity. If BG and Midniter agree, Taste will be worth a maximum of 20 points this year. The other two categories are worth a max of 10 points each. For each contestant, the three scores will be added together, and the contestant with the highest final score will win.

I propose that if contestants enter multiple items, each item be scored separately in all three categories, and then their scores in each category be averaged together. Then the three averaged scores can be added together to get that contestant's final score. What do the other judges think?

Contestants should be advised that a box containing many different kinds of cookies will put me an in a very genial mood. I love variety. And $20 bills.

[Jennifer]

Res, it all sounds ideal... perfect... whether with coconut or not. :)

And... I will stand up for the use of nuts. Christmas cookie recipes tend to go waaaaaay back when they had to use what was *good*, what was in season and what would keep. Not everything was supposed to taste like a KitKat. As I said, I like nuts... I married one... not only did I marry one, but he has nuts. So... let me just get that out there. I will indeed be using one recipe that has Black Walnuts and I HATE Black Walnuts... but found when leaving them out of one recipe I love.. it was just not right... did not have the layers of flavor or the nuance.

HERE'S TO NUTS!

[Res Publica]

See Res shoved all his cookies in a #10 envelope and dropped them in some mailbox. *I*, on the other hand, packaged mine in a festive Santa box, and then packaged the festive box inside another corrugated box and then UPS'd them. Sure, it cost me $9,000 in shipping -- but I won! Don't tell The Skimmer.

This is a scurrilous lie. It is true, however, that after spending approximately $9,000 on high-quality ingredients and baking gear, I didn't have another 9 grand to drop on pretty boxes. Because, you know, I thought this was a BAKE-OFF. I didn't know you could win by baking a few batches of Toll House cookies and then wrapping them up like freakin' Faberge Eggs. Lipstick on a pig, if you ask me.

[blue girl]

Let's not dis Kit Kats, people!

I think a Christmas cookie that tasted like a Kit Kat bar would be El Descrumtiousaliscio...

[blue girl]

...if you ask me.

Hmmm. I don't remember that anyone did.

[blue girl]

And my cookies were all from scratch. I'm serious. I didn't Tollhouse a thing.

SO THERE!

[Jennifer]

Wait... was there a lipstick on pigs category??? That's going to be a lot more shipping!!! Of course, said lip-sticked-pig would still come with plenty of $10's adn $20's.... I'm just sayin'!!!

[blue girl]

Don't pay no attention to Res, last year's No. 2.

He's all I shoulda won! She cheated! It's all about the baking! Blah, blah, blah.

I mean. It's been A YEAR ALREADY!

A year.

I am the boss of him and he knows it.

:)

[Res Publica]

No justice, no peace!

[mdhatter]

My cookies will not have that bastard ingredient, that foul "coco nut".

Are we encouraged to make a couple varieties?

[blue girl]

Yes mdhatter, you are encouraged to make anything and everything your little heart desires.

Res, I missed your "scoring" comment above. I think that's just such a fantastic scoring situation, I can hardly contain myself over here.

[Res Publica]

There is no formal bonus for making more than one kind, but insofar as I prefer more cookies rather than fewer, and more varieties rather than fewer, yes, I would say that you are encouraged to do so. Because I'm hungry.

[mdhatter]

I feel encouraged, prepare to eat it.

[Adorable Girlfriend]

AG will take the lead with this:

Pop Star:http://poprenaissance.blogspot.com/

Love,

AG, The project 2006 Number 1!

P.S. Res, You are the hottest guy on the Internets. More so than Jedmundo.

[Pinko Punko]

Res got hosed because his average was brought down by the raspberry sammies and one other one. The chocolate macaroon sammies were AMAZING as were the italian cookies. They both received 10s across the board from me. What happened was the less successful entries brought the score down and BG kind of cheated. Listen Midniter was my number 1 for taste and BG was last, but she blew away GC with her chewy package. What can I say?

[almostinfamous]

this is getting intense.

someone should televise it... or at least youtube it.

[blue girl]

and BG kind of cheated

You know, for someone who did not care about winning at all, who was just trying to spread joy and love and who only wanted everyone to have a Merry little Christmas (except AG and UC) -- and for someone who used COCONUT!!

Yes! I used coconut! in one of my recipes. Take that!

I'm feeling somewhat ...

Wait...

Let me wipe my tears away...

I'm feeling somewhat...

Sad.

I didn't cheat!

Man, it's lonely at the top.

for taste and BG was last

What? You didn't like my edible Playdough Christmas Wreaths? That were somewhat a lovely lime green color? With those cinnamon candies sort of melted into them?

:)

[Adorable Girlfriend]

Nobody cheated. AG over saw the committee and Pinko Foley and Jedmuno Rumsfeld and whomever else can shut it. The point was not to win, except for AG who will win this year, cookies are their own reward and that was the point.

[The Uncanny Canadian]

Dear god, this comment thread is funny. It's like reading the script for a Christpher Guest movie.

[curtcon]

who do I ship the gravy to?

[Midniter]

*Thus Midniter would have won if his cookies were not pulverized*

Say what??? I didn't realize the cookies actually had to make it there in one piece, as long as they looked decent enough in the pics. I will admit that this makes me feel a bit better about losing last year...no one likes losing when they've spent like 2 weeks baking cookies.

*Sigh* This is what I get for being in a rush and not packaging things correctly.

I'll read through all the comments later. I do have one small suggestion to make as far as rules though:

I'd like to see at least 3 different types of cookies, just so we'll have a variety to judge on.

Sorry if I sound worn out. Just got back from hitting Dallas and Austin.

[Larry Jones]

Wow. This baking contest is an excellent scam, Blue Girl. Not
only do you get deluged with comments (the blogger's manna), but people send you cookies! You should start a church.

But I am bummed because I only bake one thing per year, and it is prize-winning quality, and yet I will not be able to enter. Because, you see, my one baked item each year is made from my own home grown persimmons, and the little golden darlings will not be ready in time to meet your arbitrary and capricious deadline. Only a coincidence? I think not. On the other hand, more persimmon bread and cookies for me, so that's something.

Have fun!

[Chuckles]

Unless I missed it in the horde of comments:

Blue Girl's Bon bons bring all the boys to yard?
And they're like, they're betta than Res'.

Blue Girl could teach Res,
but she'd have to charge.

[blue girl]

You got that right, Chuckles. I would totally beat Res in the bon-bons category and I wouldn't have to cheat at all.

:)

[Res Publica]

None of you have any idea how powerful my confectionery skills are, because I, being under the impression that is contest was a BAKE off, sent baked goods. I could crush BG's pitiful little candy-balls.

[blue girl]

Um.

I won.

And *I* had the best chewy chocolate balls in the land! aka: Bon-bons

Geenie Cola said so!

[Claire]

Oh Larry! I love persimmon pudding. I only made it (and ate it) once. It was time consuming but I enjoyed mashing the little buggers and the pudding was worth it. Yum-o.

[Brando]

"Dear god, this comment thread is funny. It's like reading the script for a Christpher Guest movie."

Confectionary
Directed by Christopher Guest

Starring:
Catherine O'Hara as Blue Girl

Michael McKean as Res Publica

Christopher Guest as Midniter

Ed Begley, Jr. as Pinko Punko

Cheryl Hines as Geenie Cola

Parker Posey as Adorable Girlfriend

Dave Foley as The Uncanny Canadian

Harry Shearer as Lance Mannion and Jedmunds

Jennifer Coolidge as Ms. Annie Angel

Eugene Levy as almostinfamous

and

Fred Willard as Chuckles

[Adorable Girlfriend]

I'll take Parker Posey. I would have preferred something more like Sarah Jessica Parker, Parker Posey will work.

[blue girl]

Great Brando!

I love Catherine O'Hara. She's so Madeline Kahn-like. She's cool. I'll be her.

Ed Begley, Jr. as Pinko Punko

:)

Perfect.

I *love* the name Parker Posey.

[plover]

I want to know how Blue Girl's defense contracts are going. (Cookie judges were just the beginning, folks...)

I bet Res' cookie crumbs were delicious. And I bet his boring spread sheets are really boring too.