The Skimmer and I Are So Dated

Dress for the occasion.

Easy on the cologne.

Be on time.

Go to the door.

Do not bring flowers -- it's outdated.

Now that is just ridiculous. Not the first four, the last one. It's outdated for a man to bring a woman flowers on a first date? Even a single daisy?

According to this Esquire article it is.

But what do I know?

Now that Blue Kid has his own car and a new girlfriend who has him reading books, it occurred to me the other day that he could and should take her out on a real date. You know. Because I am very helpful, most of the time, telling him all the things he could and should do.

"Why don't you call Ms. Great Influence and nicely ask her out on a date? A real date. Like a dinner and a movie-type date."

"Mom. Nobody calls anymore."

"Never?"

"We text."

"Asking someone out on a date by texting doesn't sound very romantic."

"Mom. Nobody dates anymore. We just hang out."

"Well, how sad is that? Dad and I still go on dates."

"You're old."

I guess we are. The Skimmer was out of town last week and called me Friday, and with his voice asked me to go out to dinner with him that night. I said yes with my voice! It was a date.

Friday night was probably our 600th date. I don't remember much about our first date. I don't remember if he walked at my pace, or played talk radio in the car or if he offered me his arm while we were walking. All I remember is that he paid for dinner with his American Express card. That year I had postage stamps and laundry detergent on my Christmas list. American Express? It's been a joke for 20 years how impressed I was that he didn't leave home without it.

He didn't bring me a daisy Friday night, but he did drop me off at the door of the restaurant because it was pouring the rain. After he parked, pretty far from where I was standing, all dry and warm, he ran through the parking lot of puddles and arrived only partially soaking wet. I opened the door for him. Because that's the kind of girl I am.

A girl who can open her own doors, pay for her own dinner, even buy herself some flowers just because. I'm a lot like my mother that way. Bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan-types. But also the types to love thoughtful gestures.

My mother worked for years just up the street from my stepfather's office. During the winter months, he would leave work early, drive to where her car was parked, clean the snow off her car and start it up so that it was warm for her by the time she got off work. The other women in her office were in awe of my stepfather. Their husbands? Not so much.

Sometimes when The Skimmer and I are out to dinner, he'll order for me. The List says that's a no-no. But, he's never presented a coupon to the waiter while saying, "And the lady will have something of equal or lesser value."

But, I think it would be funny if he did.

Friday night I was feeling liberated and ordered my own Portobello Marsala Saute. And I shared some of it with The Skimmer. It was my idea to share and he went along with it. Good thing, too. At least according to The List.

After dinner I got a text message from Blue Kid.

Him: Where are you?

Me: Still at dinner what r u doing?

Him: Hanging out with Ms. Great Influence

The Skimmer paid the bill and we walked to the door. It was still pouring the rain.

Another no-no on The List: The Drive: While amusing, avoid that bit where you go and then stop and pretend to drive away without her.

The Skimmer's done that 88 times between dates two and 599. You'd think it would get old, but it never has. Friday night, he offered to go get the car.

"Nah, let's make a run for it!"

And while tradition dictates that the man should walk on the outside of the woman to avoid puddle splashes and runaway carriages, we ran side by side through the parking lot of puddles, yelling and laughing.

The Skimmer needs to have a Father-Son heart-to-heart. BK doesn't know what he and Ms. Great Influence are missing.

Comments

[Mandos]

I always find that "equal or lesser value" thing to be hilarious. The wording, I mean. By definition, one of the meals will be of equal or lesser value. Consequently, the phrase is completely redundant.

[Jeremy]

Aw, that's so nice.

[Mike13833]

Do not bring flowers -- it's outdated.

Now that is just ridiculous. Not the first four, the last one. It's outdated for a man to bring a woman flowers on a first date? Even a single daisy?

You're right, BG. That's just crazy . Since when is causing a smile outdated? Glad I'm as old as you . :)

Even a single daisy?

What about half a pickup truck load? I did that once .:) ( post- overorder/mistake discards,from where I worked .) I don't recall her declining due to outdatedness. :)

[zombie rotten mcdonald]

You know, I stopped by this place once upon a time, and was so impressed by the post that I'v ekept coming back.

Even during the Great Cookie Queen Controversies of Various Sorts.

That post? This is another goodie.

[Snag]

Oh, this post reminded me of the the night the Lovely Bride and I went out for Valentines Day dinner in a sleet storm. We hadn't bothered to make reservations and ended up, drenched and laughing, eating mozzarella sticks in a crummy bar.

Thanks for the smile.

[Adorable Girlfriend]

Good stuff! I wish more men got this kind of advice.

I also wish men who are not ready for prime time, emotionally immature, too medicated, or just plain not in AG's league would stay out of the dating world, off the Internets, and stick to watching pornos for use, someday.

Dating is the best. With the right person and non texter, that is!

[Skimmer]

"My mother worked for years just up the street from my stepfather's office. During the winter months, he would leave work early, drive to where her car was parked, clean the snow off her car and start it up so that it was warm for her by the time she got off work."

I am still amazed by this! Mostly because her car was never stolen.

[Kathleen]

High school dating rituals are sacred (I think) and--if you're lucky, Blue--preliminary. When first trying to interest the opposite sX, most high-schoolers are shy and unsure.
I used to applaud and envy my kids, when they could start getting to know their first Great Influence via texting. No awkward silences on the phone; no desperate, omg, what am I gonna say next? (My sister used to write interesting facts on index cards.) No need to imagine an interruption or even an ignored message is personal.
Then, too--no doubt my personal fantasy--the idea that my kids first communicated with their first Great Influence via written word impressed me as both romantic and enlightened.

[Larry Jones]

Know what I think? I'll tell ya what I think. I think you're either romantic, or you're not. If you're not, there is no medium -- telephone, letter, email, text or courier -- that will touch your heart. Me, I'm romantic. I'm sentimental. A text from the Right Woman (she knows who she is) can have me all aflutter, and, while I probably wouldn't use the texting to ask for a date, if I'm the Right Man, it would work. You know it would.

So, to paraphrase Dirty Harry, I say to BK "How about it, kid? You feeling romantic?"

[Larry Jones]

Oh, and a nice warm car on a cold day, sitting unattended in a parking lot with the motor running? And nobody took it? Now those were the good old days.

[blue girl]

Such great comments!

It's true. Whatever the crazy kids are doing these days will work for them in their own way.

And you're right, Larry. Either you are or you're not. And how sad for the Ares who are with the Nots!

And speaking of Dirty Harry...no one would *dare* steal one of my stepfather's cars. Right, Skimmer? I'm sure there's some sort of force field around them that people would just instinctively know better than to even come close to one.

[Kathleen in Oakland]

I love this post. It's so sweet. you have a great family BG

[Brando]

"Ms. Great Influence" is an awesome pseudonym. And this is a great post.