I walked into the grocery store yesterday, grabbed my cart, pushing my way out into the narrow aisle and behind a little old lady. She was moving slowly, stopping every few feet to look at the specials that were stacked up on the long table which divided the already too cramped aisle in half.
She was tiny, wearing a yellow flowered dress that could have passed for a housecoat. She had an Edith Bunker quality to her. She'd pick up different items, examine them thoroughly and then put them back on the table. I watched her, imagining that she lived alone on a tight budget and thought, Aw, sweet little thing.
When there was a break between display tables, I was able to rigmarole my way to the other side of the aisle, only to end up behind an old man moving even slower than Edith Bunker. He wasn't examining anything. Just walking at a snail's pace, glancing at the specials every now and then. He had on a navy polo shirt and khakis, belted up around his ribs. He wore large, squarish glasses and what hair he had left was swooped from his left ear over to his right.
The three of us ended up at the end of the last display table where Edith was examining the strawberries very carefully.
The stout, little old man leaned towards the table and said a little too loudly, "Those fresh?!"
Without missing a beat, Edith shot back, "How the hell do I know?! I didn't pick 'em!"
Aw, old people. LOL!
Posted by: Notesfromthegrove | June 09, 2009 at 11:31 AM
LOL!!
Posted by: Jennifer | June 09, 2009 at 01:04 PM
I'd like to get me a few elderly for sheer AG fun and amusement.
Posted by: Adorable Girlfriend | June 09, 2009 at 01:20 PM
Ha ha.
Posted by: Dan Leo | June 09, 2009 at 05:25 PM
At least you didn't call them 'old shits'
Posted by: zombie rotten mcdonald | June 10, 2009 at 06:11 PM
Out loud.
~
Posted by: ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© | June 10, 2009 at 07:40 PM
Is anyone else beginning to want Thunder in a non kosher way?
Did AG just type that?
Out loud.
P.S. WTF is Gregor Samsa? Could someone tip the drunk bastard off that AG is messing with him at the Empire? (Sorry for the PA here, BG.)
Posted by: Adorable Girlfriend | June 11, 2009 at 01:11 PM
shh.
BG doesn't want to come to the Empire any more. Even if we allow LOTS of cussing.
Posted by: zombie rotten mcdonald | June 11, 2009 at 01:25 PM
BG is busy releasing Barry Gibb from her innards, remember!
Posted by: Jennifer | June 11, 2009 at 02:22 PM
LOL! I fear that I have started a rather tragic meme.
Posted by: creepy? | June 11, 2009 at 03:10 PM
:)
Posted by: Jennifer | June 11, 2009 at 03:38 PM
BG- Please release me, let me go!
Posted by: 18 yr-old Barry Gibbs (commenting from inside BG) | June 11, 2009 at 03:41 PM
Actually, wouldn't my inner Engelbert Humperdinck say that?
Posted by: creepy? | June 11, 2009 at 03:47 PM
Yes... I was thinking you'd say that, since you're old enough to have grooved to the Humperdink...
You know what's creepy?? BG and I have the same initials.
Posted by: 18 yr-old Barry Gibbs (commenting from inside BG) | June 11, 2009 at 03:50 PM
Ok, how about this???
Posted by: 18 yr-old Barry Gibbs (commenting from inside BG) | June 11, 2009 at 03:52 PM
:)
Posted by: creepy? | June 11, 2009 at 03:52 PM
Crap... wrong link... look at #6 on this one...
Posted by: 18 yr-old Barry Gibbs (commenting from inside BG) | June 11, 2009 at 03:53 PM
You know, the Humperdinck and I are both *hairfully* blessed... and we both rocked the polyester shirts.
Posted by: 18 yr-old Barry Gibbs (commenting from inside BG) | June 11, 2009 at 04:01 PM
If Glue Birl doesn't take care of this Barry Gibb infestation, I shan't be back.
Posted by: zombie rotten mcdonald | June 11, 2009 at 04:42 PM
I shan't be back.
sounds like a plan.
Who knew that I could ward off zombies!
Posted by: 18 yr-old Barry Gibbs (commenting from inside BG) | June 11, 2009 at 05:13 PM
I love the whole "I shan't be back." The whole attitude of it, you know, but not in practice. lol
Posted by: blue girl | June 11, 2009 at 09:50 PM
Naw. Barry Gibb ain't that scary, objectionable though he may be.
Now, if there was a wig-less Phil Spector hanging out inside BG, it would be terrifying.
Posted by: zombie rotten mcdonald | June 12, 2009 at 02:47 PM
We have the attitude down, BG.
But clearly we all need more practice.
P.S. Shan't be, etc.
~
Posted by: ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© | June 12, 2009 at 06:48 PM
What would be awesome would be hearing people in real life saying, "I shan't be back," like Elaine starting to see people eating Snickers with a knife and fork.
Phil Spector's mug shot looks like Gallagher after grabbing the Holy Grail at the end of the third Indiana Jones movie.
Posted by: Brando | June 12, 2009 at 10:19 PM
Here's a whole 'nother kind of senior moment, Blue Girl. I stopped into Elaine's again this past Friday night and a senior citizen from the acting profession, (think "9 to 5" the movie and "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman" the TV show) had five martinis and three Remy Martins and outside of a beat red face the seventy six year old actor was doing just fine. I mean, absolutely fine!
I've had to shut off people half his age who drank half that much. Pretty impressive.
Posted by: scribbler50 | June 14, 2009 at 06:52 PM
scribbler, that's a great story! Five martinis?? Yee-Ow-Za! Vodka or gin? Olives? Straight up? Side of water? lol You gotta give us the whole rundown. :)
Posted by: blue girl | June 14, 2009 at 08:48 PM
Don't know all those details, Blue Girl... I was at the bar and he was sitting in the dining area. The bartender just said to me, as he poured the third Remy, "Do you believe this freaking guy? That's his third Remy after five martinis." I never saw the martinis being made (they were consumed before I got there) so I have no idea as to whether they were gin or vodka. And I never thought to ask because I was so blown away by the amount that it didn't matter.
I'll try and be more observant next time, kinda like your online reporter here in The Apple.
Cheers!
Posted by: scribbler50 | June 14, 2009 at 09:21 PM
I lost track of the old people in the grocery store. Did one of them have Barry Gibbs on her iPod? And the other, um, the other guy?
Maybe I should take up drinking.
Posted by: Kathleen Maher | June 15, 2009 at 05:28 PM
"Take Up" drinking?
I don't understand.
Posted by: zombie rotten mcdonald | June 15, 2009 at 06:42 PM
I find it cute seeing old people shop for groceries and stuff. Just because they're old, doesn't mean they have to be dependent on others. It's like they're telling people that they're still strong and capable of doing things that young people do. Just saying. =)
Posted by: Drew Harrison | February 17, 2012 at 01:46 PM
Lighten up, Drew.
Posted by: Jennifer | February 20, 2012 at 06:16 PM