blue girl

Worth A Thousand Words and About Three Hundred Bucks

UPDATED BELOW!

No way!

Uh huh!

Are you nuts?

Are you?

You are!

Wanna bet?

Yeah!

Whattya wanna bet?

Anything!

Anything?

Yes!  Put it on your blog.  We'll see who wins.

I'll win!

You think you'll win!

I will win!

What are the stakes?

Um.  All the profits from tomorrow's garage sale.

Easy money for me.

You think so!

I know so!

***

Here's the deal blue girl readers.  Dear, dear blue girl readers.  My bloggy friends.  My cohorts.  My fellow Islamo-Fascist Appeasers.  Help me out here.  Below are two photos of Hilary Swank.

My husband really likes how she looks in one of the photos.  And I think she looks a lot better in the other one.  I'm not telling who likes which way.

Which way do you like Hilary Swank better?

Yeah, it's a very shallow situation.  Who cares.  I could've had a contest where I posted a photo of Suri and asked whether you thought she looked more like Tom or Katie.  But I didn't.  I'm way above that sort of contest.

About $300 and my pride and probably a pair of new really cute black shoes hangs in the balance. 

I'll leave this post up for the weekend.  Please lurkers ... don't be shy.  Vote!  Let your voices be heard!

Vote by writing "Top Photo" or "Bottom Photo" -- with additional comments if you feel compelled.  But please don't say you don't like Hilary Swank at all, therefore you don't like either photo at all.  For the love of God, just pick one.
One, two, three -- GO!

UPDATED!  I'm getting sort of tired of my Hilary Swank, Which Way Do You Like How She Looks Better? contest.

I'm kind of bored with it now.

Not that I don't appreciate all the votes!  I have and I do!

It's just that there was almost a huge fight out in front of my house today during the garage sale!  And I want to write a post about it!  There hasn't been that much excitement 'round these parts in forever.  I mean, when that chipmunk was doing the doggie paddle in our toilet, I guess you could say that was exciting. 

But, the fight today had car crashes and pick up trucks, cursing and an older lady with wild permed hair doing vulgar hand gestures out her car window!

It was awesome!

So, I guess what I'm saying is that I may shut this contest down early.

Don't be too devastated!  The Fight Post is going to be great!

Trial Run

Oh my.  It seems as though Res also has a post today called *Trial Run.* 

What a coinkidink. 

Well, as they say, great minds must think alike because it seems both of us were engaged in practicing for the Ultimate Christmas Cookie Bake-Off Of The 21st Century!

When I practice anything I need to start big.  I've got to flex every baking muscle, so to speak.  I start by lifting newly purchased bags of flour over my head, 5 reps each until I complete 250, all the while letting dark chocolate waffers melt in my mouth.  Sugar gives me the energy I need to dream!

It could be better.  I know.  I was only warming up!  Geez!
When we were in Switzerland last winter, (you know, the winter after we had spent the summer in Paris) I snapped a photo as my husband and son were skiing. (I don't ski -- that's for crazy people.)

I knew it would serve as inspiration one day.  And that day has arrived.

What better way to make fake smoke coming from the back of a marshmallow mountain than with a homemade plastic form where you freeze cream soda that has been colored by chocolate pudding?  There's no better way.  Believe me.  I've been doing this for years.

The ski lift was tricky, I have to admit.  Wasn't sure how I was going to accomplish it, but then a great idea, like a bolt of lightning hit me!  Bleach red licorice strings until they are perfectly white.  Then braid them.  (You must do this twice -- because, you know, there are two rope things involved in a ski lift.)

After you braid them, dabble just a tad of (a tad!) of liquified glucose (creates a glue-like substance) on them and then roll them in sugar.  Perfectomundo!

I knew exactly how I needed to make the train.  (The train tracks are another story.  We'll get to that later.)

Again, using a homemade cake pans, (cuz only sissies shop at William-Sonoma) you bake each part of the train, adding lots and lots of extra starch so that each part stays as rigid as possible.  Then, you melt chocolate (the proper color of course for each part) and you pour the melted chocolate into the cake pans so that you have the proper shape.  Then, again, you take liquified glucose and apply each piece to the actual rigid train cake pieces!  Voila!  Easy as, well...cake!

(Just make the train tracks out of pretzels...duh!)

This is just a close up of the Gingerbread Village.  They're really easy -- everyone knows how to make those, so I won't bore you with the details.  Except to say -- see those green trees there?  I made those myself from the feathers of the turtle doves we raise.  I dyed them green of course!  We don't have green turtle doves, silly!
And the Magical Kingdom shown here was NOT part of the scenery when we were in Switzerland, but just something I added at the last minute in honor of my buddy Res.  He loves Disney so, I thought I'd throw it in to make him happy.

I thought the flags were a nice touch.  They were really easy.  It's amazing what you can do with a pair of scissors and Joojoo Beans!

Yes, yes, I know.  I took the easy way out by making the door out of graham crackers.  So sue me.

(See that Gingerbread guy laying there?  That's me if I would ever even try to ski.)

So, anyway.  I wasn't even going to post photos of my practice run.  But I saw that Res had and I didn't want him to think I was being a slacker.

To any judges, Mannion, Pinko, or UC -- that may be reading -- this is not, again I repeat NOT my official entry.

Afterall, I didn't take the time to bake and include any fireworks in my village!  So, I mean, how great could it possibly be?

All I Have To Say Is..."Bring It On!"

Res is back from his blogging hiatus, just in time for the holidays (not only Christmastime -- that's directed at you O'Reilly) and he's given up political rants.  He needs to detox.  He's in love and he wants to enjoy the season by sharing his semi-famous bakery exploits that he says will put Martha Stewart's to shame.  (He also says that if you don't like it, you can kiss his yuletide a**.)

I not only like it -- I love it.  And I'm challenging Res to a Holiday 2005 Cookie Bake Off.  So, Res.  I see your homemade Christmas Tree Shaped Sugar Cookie and raise you a Gingerbread.
Res.  Take a look at this dude.  You still think you're all that and a bag of powered sugar?

Just see if you can top it.