A Very Uncool Week

This morning at 6:30, I was sitting in our local Starbucks, staring at a bunch of hipsters.  Lots of movie director and music producer look-a-like types.  Lots of black clothes, salt and pepper hair and little horizontal glasses, ordering Ventis and Grandes and Double Mocha Somethingorothers.  I heard someone yell, “And a shot of espresso!”  Why was he yelling so early in the morning?  To be heard over the cool jazz?

Where were those people from?  This is not Hollywood. It’s the Heartland, for God’s sake.  Must be a pocket of hip.  And I was sticking out like a sore thumb, wearing sneakers, capri jeans, a white sweatshirt and my hair in a ponytail.  And I was drinking a small black coffee.  I even said when I ordered, “A small black coffee.”  Not, “A tall black coffee.”

Totally unhip.

But, still a rebel.

Yesterday, I sat next to two businessmen, both in suits and ties -- not particularly hip -- meeting to discuss and plan an upcoming sales meeting.

“I’ve blocked off 20 hotel rooms.  Cool?”

“Cool.”

“Ed will wrap the session up with a forecast of sales.  Cool?”

“Cool.”

“I need a another Double Mocho Somethingorother.  Cool?”

“Cool.  Order mine with a shot of espresso!”

The outwardly unhip are still trying to embrace their inner cool, I suppose.

I’ve been at Starbucks too much this week.  Our cable at home is on the fritz.  Which means I don’t have an Internet connection. 

So.  Totally.  Uncool. 

I cannot even begin to start to explain how completely and totally uncool that has been.  Not having email makes communicating with my clients tough.  I’ve actually had to call a few of them.  I’ve had to listen to their words.

“Hey.  Just wanted to let you know I’ll be emailing you that pdf file around noon.”

“Cool beans, blue girl!”

Cool beans?  She must’ve been in some generic cubicle somewhere!  No one in a pocket of hip, not even two 50 something businessmen in suits embracing their inner cool, would ever say cool beans.  She can look hip, though.  I’ve met her in person.  She wears really cool, horizontal glasses.

It’s been quite a week.  Work, work, work at home.  Run, run, run to Starbucks, email clients.  And then run, run, run back home again.  I would’ve just written: 

Work at home then run to Starbucks, then run back home again.

But, I’ve been drinking Starbucks coffee all day long for a week.  One works, works, works, and run, run, runs after so much caffeine while wearing sneakers.

Mike the Cable Guy just left my house.  Carrying a million cords and some rather serious looking diagnostic equipment, he wore Wranglers and a Time-Warner golf shirt.  His hair was plain old light brown, brushed straight back.  And when he stepped into my foyer, he slipped on a pair of blue plastic booties over his construction boots.

He was the coolest guy I had seen all week.

After checking this and checking that, unplugging this and unplugging that, the send and receive lights were flashing away on my new awesome, super groovy, totally kick ass turbo modem.

The first thing I did was email my client a pdf with the changes she’s been waiting for.

“Thanks, BG!  This looks great!  I’ll let you know when it’s approved.”

“Cool beans!”

And I meant every word of it.

Comments

[Skimmer]

“Ed will wrap the session up with a forecast of sales. Cool?”

Really? Forecast of sales cool? That's like saying Clay Akin, cool. What's with that?

And capri jeans? Not quite shorts. Not long pants. Just something some designer invented when they were running out of material. Man I hate those things.

[Wren]

BG: I like capri jeans. Wear them myself in the summer.

Skimmer: Must be a guy thing. Mr. Wren hates capri jeans, or any capris made of any material, too. This puzzles me.

[Kathleen in Oakland]

Glad your home office is up and running again! Though annoying to have to run run run to Starbucks, you at least developed content to provide enjoyment to your readers!! :)

oh, and the AWESOMENESS of the Spped Racer movie has clearly made "Cool Beans" cool. I'm surprised you didn't know that.**

** said in Chris Farley voice from Tommy Boy. (I decided I needed to clarify, since it sounds really rude if no one gets what I am referencing.)

[Claire]

I say "cool beans" occasionally and always feel a bit of a fuddy duddy when I say it, but I try and own it when it happens. :)

[angry ballerina]

:)

cool.

HE!!!

[almostinfamous]

my whole life revolves around me saying cool beans to people and watching their reactions.

[John Freeland]

Regarding some modern colloquialisms expressed in the above post and comments, when I was a kid those "capris" were called "clam-diggers," a near useless term now as hardly anyone would dig clams even if they had the opportunity. Clam diggers went with "boat-neck" shirts like a knife and fork.

"Capris" were Chevies.

I cut off a pair of old khaki pants a few weeks ago but didn't take quite enough off. They are a length and bagginess my younger daughter refers to as "gauchos."

We live in a small town - not especially cool. My older daughter, a devout vegetarian, often says "cool beans."

[Michael Bains]

Can beans really even be cool? I'd say only if they're groovy.

I’ve had to listen to their words.

Ewwwww! {sniker} And hopefully respond appropriately. Glad ya got yer internets back. Ain't nothin' cool 'bout a down internets.

[Adorable Girlfriend]

That was a big phrase of the Architect's. Except it was worse, he'd make it: cool beanies!

I always hated it.

[Kathleen M]

Blue plastic booties? I've wanted a pair all my life. Does one need to become a Cable Guy to get the booties? Does using the pronoun "one" instead of "I" or "you" disqualify a person from becoming a Cable Guy?
So who's uncool? I don't even drink coffee. Imagine how wordy a person I might be if I did.

[Huey Lewis]

I find your squareness rather hip.